10 Ahhh-mazingly Simple Decorating Ideas

Life is better when you are laughing.

NOTE : If I do a blog post with that cancer word again, then someone is going to get punched in the head.  Me.  I will clock myself.  Because I am tired of talking about that C word.  That C word is where happiness goes to die.  Forget-ta-bout-it…. I am bringing the fun back. Cancer can just sit on it and rotate.

Dear Cancer,

Shut your face.  I’m not talking about you anymore.

Why?  The C word makes me want to drop F-bombs.  It is a shit sandwich.

 C word= joy*killer.

I put that C word right up there in the same category as an enema.  Or drinking goat urine.  Not fun.  I am avoiding ALL.  For FOREVER.  I want to bury my head in the sand for a while and avoid the cancer subject.  Sound fun?  Say YES.

On to more FUN stuff. I need to cheer myself up.  Never mind YOU. LOL.  I can no longer be consoled by chocolate alone.   I need more.  More Gin.  More dessert.  More funny bone.  I need to be happier than a witch in a broom factory.

Want some insider designer secrets?

Some tricks of the trade?

A bit of splash in your bevy?

A little more hop to your designer step?

YES.  You have it in you.

I promise this is easy stuff.

Tip #1 :

Up-cycle your dining chairs with paint. Mix and match your chairs for an eclectic look.  Mix old benches with old chairs for some amazeballs of interest.  Add natural elements.  A twig mirror never hurt anyone.  An Ikea light for $20 makes for great ambiance and fabulous wrinkle hiding technique.

Upcycle old chairs with paint.

WARNING These dirty little insider designer secrets aren’t coming free.  You and I are doing a little swapsie. I give you 10 design ideas from my dirty little black book. You give me one vote in the Top 100 INTERIOR DESIGN BLOGS  challenge.  You up for it?  If not.  Divert your eyes and look out. I will throw things at you if you don’t vote for me.

Stop the violence.

VOTE.

New blog update : VOTING CLOSED on Nov 30th …so no pressure to vote for me now.  Whew.  

TOP 100 INTERIOR DESIGN BLOGS :

Modenus started a list for the Top 100 Interior Design Blogs.  My friends from the The Building Blox and Dasal Lighting met in a back alley and formulated a plan to add me on the list.  I am sure there was gin and tonic involved.

Suddenly, I feel the need to brush my hair every day.  I need to act all designer-esque now, don’t I?!!

Does this mean that pajamas are an unacceptable dress code?  Geesh.  The demands of a designer.  Does this mean I have to act my age and not my shoe size?

OMG.

Pressure.

Tip #2 :

Garden edging from the dollar store makes a great table runner !

Use natural elements as a table runner.  I {naturally} went to the dollar store to find mine.  Create a ‘curtain’ using hanging shells.  Hang the shells from a twig/branch. Use birch bark as an extra element on the window sill or table runner.

Peel the bark off of your neighbours tree.

Ta-dahhhh.

CELEBRATE.

Join me.  I’ve been celebrating because ………

DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE  is officially on the Top 100 Interior Design Blog list.  It landed at number #6.  I started at 178.  *blush*  You wouldn’t believe who I had to sleep with to get to number six.  Let’s just say that gin and tonic is {{officially}} a pantie remover.  Shit.  I am already not acting like a designer.  My bad.  So sad.

Don’t tell on me.

I am sure the other designers have a bit more class than I do.  I bet they don’t keep their receipts thrown filed so nicely in a shoe box.

Why I love this challenge :

The top 100 Design Blogs will remain as a permanent feature on the Modenus site for a year. Hellooooo.  Come to Momma.  Slutty ~Gin and Tonic drinking~ Momma, but Momma nonetheless.

Tip #3 :

The candles help the hussy-ness.

**   Twig rod with shells.

**  West Elm lighting. It is a fabulously {larger than life} large light.

**  Candles from Ikea.  Practically free they are so inexpensive.

**  Oil burning candles: I forget where I bought those, but I love ‘em.

**  Painted chair debut {again}.

So now that it is official that I am a floozy and trading trade secrets for votes ~ is it working?  Are you tempted to VOTE for me yet?  If you don’t help me with a VOTE…. I will threaten you with  - I dunno – I dunno – I will start dropping F bombs on the blog and kicking things.  Wait, I already do that.  Shit.  Not designer-esque again.  I digress.

I like to think of myself as REAL.

Real design ideas.

Real simple.

Life is based on a true story.

Let’s live it real.

True. Simple. Easy. REAL. 

Treehouse REAL

If you don’t VOTE for me, I will be crushed and be forced to live on liquorice and Milk Duds to get me through this depression.

I personally think Milk Duds solve everything.

That is not the point.

P.S.  I confiscated Milk Duds from my kids. Once.  They never saw them again.  I have no idea where they went. I totally ate the whole box in 4 seconds.  I went into a chocolate caramel coma.  It was bliss.

Tip #4 :

White is where it’s at.  If I need a white FIX, I head to Ikea.  Ikea stools are {value priced} at $89 with $10 white covers. They are comfy as all get out.  Sooooooo cosy. Easy to keep clean.  I throw them in the wash with bleach every now and again.  Buy $10 replacement covers to keep on hand for emergencies.  Like red wine explosions.  Or Milk Duds melting on your butt.  It is worth it.  I think a Milk Dud is best explained as chocolate meeting caramel and committing unspeakable acts of deliciousness. Nasty chocolate caramel sex.  It spawns calories.

Don’t look too closely. I have Milk Duds hiding under our sofa.

Want more designer secrets outta the closet?? Deeeemanding.  OK.  All the skeletons are coming out.  Hopeful the fur balls will too.  I could knit a sweater with the dust balls in my closets.  Somehow, I can always think of something better to do than clean a closet.  What you DON’T SEE won’t hurt you.  Just throw all your crap in the closet.  The room will look clean and you can focus on your curtains.  That is what matters.  CURTAINS.

Tip #5 :

Use throw blankets as curtains.  That’s right.  Are you wondering why the heck you didn’t think of that before ?!! I know. I know.  It will be OK.  I did that for years.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Drink gin and tonic and you will be fine. However, you will never be able to look at a throw blanket the same again.

Ikea throw blankets are amazeballs of awesomeness.  Never mind your lap.  Put them on your curtain rod.

Uhhhm, that is an Ikea light in there too. Forgot about that.

One wee problemo :  I swear the throw blankets at Ikea are getting smaller.  Like McDonald’s Big Macs.  I could swear on my Mother that they were bigger when I was a kid.   My Mom and I would split one.   That is what she gave me for breakfast every single day.  Jokes.

The Ikea sheepskin rugs are getting smaller too.  I swear it.  Or this could be a butt problem again.

Are our mouths just bigger now? Or our butts?  Did you notice that I just said your butt was bigger? I can’t have a big butt~ alone.  I have a big butt and I can not lie.  LOVE that song.

Tip #6 :

Use the hook thingy’s to hold your throw blankets.  That is an official term.  Hook thingy.   You know the ones.  They are a circle thing with a clip on it.

Or, if your throw blanket has a fringe, tie the fringe into wee knots to attach it to the rod.  It works.  Sexy-ness abounds.

Tip #7 :

Put your sheepskin rugs on chairs and benches.  How’s that for a slice of awesome??!!

Tip #8 :

Use tea towels as curtains.  Drying dishes is boring.  Boring as all get out.   I can’t even LOOK at a tea towel without thinking of a curtain.  Sick.  I know.  Why dream of dishes when you can dream of curtains?

Easy. Sneezy. Breezy.

My fave tea towels are from West Elm.  I have a LOVE for West Elm.  An adoration.

Well… my favourite store manager in the world is there too.  If you live in Toronto ~go and see Neil Gazmen at West Elm.  He is best thing since sliced bread.  He is better than sliced bread.  He is like the lemon and lime in my gin and tonic.  The bestest.   You can also find him on twitter @ngazmen.  I have his twitter username memorized.  Poor guy.

Every time I shop at West Elm, my husband hides my credit card.

I have no idea why.

Trunk Stash

Whoever said that you can’t get a kitchen sink into a VW bug… they LIED.

Been there.

Done that.

Got the poster.

NOTE : I keep a stash of cash in my pantie drawer for my West elm habits.  Clearly, I am going to need to move that stash now.

Hot little sidebar tip : I personally believe that every woman should have a stash of cash for rainy days.

Or West Elm.

Same same, but different.

Tip #9 :

Ikea sheers.  These puppies are $5.99 for a set of TWO ! Helllooooo.  That is practically free.  I use them all the time.  No need to hem.  You can cut them raw with scissors.  So cool.   You can also combine them with other curtains or use them as a stand alone.

Tea Towel meets Ikea Sheer. LOVE at first sight.

Have an ugly window?

Throw these babies on.

Our outhouse. Or boudoir. Whatevahhh. It is fun in there.

Suddenly, you will be in love with the window again.

Mostly because you can’t see it.

Candles + Sheers = Boudoir

I even put mini lights on the sheers.

I throw candles in the mix.

Great for soft lighting.

Ambiance.

Gin and Tonic.

Sluttiness.

FOCUS.

This is about votes. Don’t forget to VOTE for me.   Don’t let all this designer-esque stuff throw you off.  Get in the game. VOTE. VOTE. VOTE. OMG. I suddenly feel like a politician.  Gross.  I am THAT girl.

Tip #10 :

Shells.  Shells. Everywhere shells.  Mix the twig with shells and you will have a shell-gasm curtain.

Shell ‘curtains’ as a window covering.

I bought my shell ‘strings’ in Bali.  I am not lucky enough to live near a beach.  If you do.  Shut up.  I don’t want to hear about it.  I am up to my ears in snow right now.  Wearing snow pants, looking like I just pooped myself.  Someone needs to design some sexy snow pants.  This is not good for the butt….BUT…my window looks good.  I have my priorities right.

Tip #zillion :

OK, that was really tip number #11, but I numbered it #zillion so you would think I blew you away with soooo many tips.

In exchange I can promise you twigs and balls.  Same thing.  Penis = Twig and balls. Same same but different.

Use branches and twigs to create a curtain rod and brackets.  Sit up in your chair.  This is good stuff.  This may be my all time claim to fame.

Great, I will be famous for my twig and balls….and I don’t even have a penis.  Nasty. What a visual.

Whaaatup wit dat? 

TWIG + BALLS = Designer hussy.

I will need to go for confession after this blog post.  Are you wondering why you hang out with me now?

If I want to sleep my way to the top …I need to think about twigs and balls.

This grapevine ball DIY is the #1 most pinned thaaaang from my blog and the most popular blog post.

Thousands of pins.  About BALLS.

Pinterest is the d’best.

The word BALLS still makes me *snicker*.  Many people have come up with genius names for these puppies…but man oh man….nothing compares to BALLS.

They look great at Christmas too! Think about that. LOL. Your balls will look good at Christmas.  I warned you that I didn’t have designer-esque class.

If you want to become a grapevine ball floozy, go check out this post :DIY: How to make Grapevine Balls.  You wouldn’t believe all the commotion over there on that blog post.  You will pee your pants.  Just sayin’.

Twig and ball floozy.

It has a nice ring.

I can live with that. {{ I hope you can too- haha!! }} If you vote for me.

Shall we be floozies together ? I hope you like chocolate.  And Gin.  And trouble.

Wait wait wait…one last very important tip :

Do not mix powder laxative in your beer and then go to bed.

Shamefully…it works.