Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN

 

 

Man oh man …men ..

 

 

A picture speaks a thousand words.  Hahaha !!! Guess what?  I did not set this shot up.  This is normal life in our household.  Nakedness in a chair.

 

I can’t make this shit up.

 

This photo of Michael pretty much captures what living with a man is all about, don’t you think?

Say yes, or get slapped with a pork chop.

 

We need to stop expecting normal from men.  We all know that it’s never going to happen.  Normal wouldn’t be fun anyway.  They are weird in an oh so awesome way.  That’s okay.  Normal is the new boring. 

 

40 Strange But True Facts About Men

 

 

40 things your mom didn't tell you about MEN via lynneknowlton.com

 

 

1.     If you shake your groove thing in front of a man,  you’re pretty much guaranteed to have anything you want.

 

2.    Men enjoy long romantic walks to the beer fridge.

 

3.     Men waste thousands of gallons of fuel every year, driving around while not asking for directions.

 

4.     Men can slip into a coma while sitting in a retail store chair waiting for you to come out of the fitting room.

 

5.     50% of men claim they would feel comfortable if their girlfriend had a lesbian lover.   Ohh.  Emmm. Geeeh.

 

6.     Putting toilet paper on the roll is not common sense, it’s a super power.  Apparently only women have this magical power.

 

40 things your mom didn't tell you about MEN http://wp.me/p38cMm-3jq

Born  in  a  barn.

 

7.     For the love of Pete, what is the big deal about golf ?!  It’s a big patch of grass with a little dimpled ball… MmmKay.

Rocket science for boys.

 

8.     Men roll their eyes at words like ” commitment, and change the toilet paper roll ”

 

9.     If you find dirty socks and underwear near-to or semi-near the hamper, there is a man nearby.

Note : He will claim innocence.

 

10.    A woman speaks about 7,000 words a day; a man speaks about 2,000.

 

 

Oh  Really??  I  don't  think   so.

Oh  Really??  I  don’t  think so.

 

11.     If it’s attention that you want, don’t get in a relationship with a man during playoff season.

 

12.    Men do things that make us go aaaackkkkkk and make us go ahhhhhhhhh all at once.   How weird.

 

13.    The front lawn is the Holy Land.   It’s not to be messed with.

 

14.     Men like gadgets with lots of fancy shiny black buttons.  It makes them feel dang important.

 

Chitty  Chatty.  Uh ha.  Yeah. ohhh.  Okay.

Chitty  Chatty.  Uh  ha.  Yeah.  ohhh.  Okay.

 

15.     Dear men, your Mother is not a saint.  A saint would have taught you to put the lid down.

 

16.      When men talk with food in their mouth, it makes you want to reach right across the table and slap them with a hot dog while mumbling the word wanker under your breath.

 

17.      If men make the bed and do the laundry, we will gasp.

 

18.     Enough already with the combover.  It has never once fooled anyone into thinking you have hair.  Never.  Not once.  Ever.  In the history of ever.

 

19.    Breathing like a normal person seems like no biggie to women.  For the love of all things holy..

Dear, grizzly Adams… what the hell is up with your snoring?

You can shake down a small village with that roar.

 

20.     It’s easier for a man to buy a bathing suit :

Women have two types :   depressing and more depressing.

Men have two types :   sexy-cool and a horrific-speedo.

 

 

40 things your mom didn't tell you about MEN http://wp.me/p38cMm-3jq

 

 

21.    Booby kryptonite :  Dear men, they are just boobs.  Breathe.  Do you want to know who else has boobs?  Your Mom.

 

22.    It’s funny how men are brave enough to go to war, but shudder at the thought of a bikini wax.

 

23.    Men would rather take a bullet than pick up tampons at the grocery store.

 

24.     After a bottle of champagne, they start licking faces.  It makes you want to punch them and kiss them all at once.

 

25.     Men like to barbecue.  They suddenly like to cook if danger and fire are involved.  Weird how that happens.

 

26.     Let’s face it, they go a little bit bonkers if you don’t change the oil in your car.  Whatevs.  Oil schmoil.

 

27.     Bad boys are like cupcakes.  They are delicious for two nibbles and then you start to hate yourself.

 

28.     Getting a man organized is like herding a cat or pushing a rope uphill.

 

29.     You can praise them, but go easy on the pedal or Mr. Stud muffin will puff up like a peacock.

 

40 fun facts about men4

 

 

30.     Honest to Pete… do you have an unfinished project in your household that can only be completed by a man !?!  Light it on fire.  

Done.  Project complete.

 

31.     Men drink well with others and don’t need any coaxing or provocation.

 

32.     Most men have a disease.  It’s called open-cupboard-itis.  It can also be commonly referred to as open-drawer-itis.  Even when dealt with swiftly, this contagious disease re-occurs over and over again.

 

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

 

33.     Poor man-baby, you’re sick.  Pam, can you call my Mom ?

 

 

34.     Crying in front of a man, is technically blackmail.  Use sparingly and only in an emergency.  Be prepared to look like a hot mess for it to truly be effective.

 

35.     Most men own three pairs of shoes.  Tops.  Don’t ask them for fashion advice.  It isn’t going to happen.  

Unless you’re naked.   

 

36.    Truth bomb :  Women don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret models.  Men don’t act like soap opera dudes.  

Love them anyway.

 

40 fun facts about men3

 

 

37.     If something can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes a woman sad or angry… generally, a man meant the other one.  

Happy wife, happy life. 

 

38.     Whenever possible, say whatever you have to say during playoff commercials only.  Then.  And only then.

Any other time… all bets are off.

 

39.     Don’t ask them what they’re thinking.  Men can think about nothing for hours.

 

40.    How to love a man :

There, tucked in neatly between the messy, pain in the ass moments with a man… you will find the sweet spot.

The beautiful soul.  The kind heart.

The man, who would lay down his life for you.  Especially if you were naked.

That is love.
40 fun facts about men5

 

 

Now it’s your turn.  Lemme have it in the comments.  Tell me your funny facts about men… let’s keep the list rolling.

 

40 fun facts about men2

 

PS.  Dear men, we luvs you.  xo    MWAH !!!

 

PSS.

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Girl guides honour * insert big toothy grin *

 

 

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146 Responses

  1. Dan says:

    This was entertaining, thank you. I do believe you’ve described boys, not men, though.

  2. hahaha I am killing myself laughing. i didn’t realize cupboarditis was a wordly thing! I thought I was the only one who got to experience it! I feel so understood!

    ps I just found your blog. Awesomeness from one Torontonian to another!

  3. Tracey says:

    This is the best blog post I have ever read in my entire life. I got linked up to you through the Sweet Escape’s trip to your treehouse which is just about as amazing as this post. Thanks for making me laugh out loud in a waiting room in front of strangers. Best part of my day :)

    • Hahahahahaha Tracey,

      You had me at THIS IS THE BEST BLOG POST THAT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I had to put that in caps lock. I reserve caps lock for very special occasions. Teehee. Nice to meet you :)

      Lynne xx

  4. chris aka monkey says:

    read all of these comments too glad someone mention farting. i think it is hysterical to watch them from a safe distance, as they do their different poses for farting the leg lift, the finger point etc loving this blog lynne xx

  5. Debbie Perkins says:

    O. M. G. You know my husband…I laughed out loud reading it this morning, after I walked into the bathroom and saw my 20 yr old’s boxers and shorts in front of the toilet by the huge clothes basket. Bad aim? Can’t ring a toilet bowl or the clothes basket. ick. I love the humor that you have. Ahhh, another “twisted sister” someone who thinks like me. God blessed us with this particular sense of humor to help us cope. Thank you, God. Keep me laughing, and give me awesome ideas. Love you from the Deep South, Heart of Dixie. Fact #41. Men will pee outside, or off a porch. WHHHYYYY? AND, I don’t think that it i jut a Southern thang.

    • Debbie Perkins says:

      Sorry. Grammar correction. “is just” not i jut. Yes, I’m Southern, and I can spell. Just not when I am laughing. :)

    • Good point Debbie! Whhaaaaaaa why?! Haha! Maybe it is to keep up on our toes. It keeps us young {{at heart}}

      A big hello from the North :)

      PS. That’s so cool that you are in the heart of Dixie. LOVE.

  6. Bliss says:

    Well #30 is probably the best advice I’ve gotten in forever. Gotta run now, I need to find some matches……

  7. Stan Dubin says:

    Just found you via LeadPages.

    I am a man and I find this post offensive. While reading these, I looked deep into my character and ONLY 33 of them applied to me.

    If the title was “4o Give or Take Things Your Mom Didn’t Tell You About Men” then I guess I would be okay on this.

    Other than that, I put your blog in my RSS Reader and begrudgingly put it in my favorites section.

    • Stan !!

      You made me flip for a second. Like an uh-ooooh … I’m in trouble kinda flip.

      Then I laughed out loud. Phew.

      You are a hoot.

      PS. Isn’t leadpages d’bomb dot com? LOVE it !!!

      Cheers!
      Lynne

  8. Bren says:

    LOL This is fabulous! I found your link on Lisa Thomson Lives blog and glad I clicked over. You’re hilarious! Definitely passing this one along! LMAO

    • Hi Bren

      I’m soooo in love with your avatar :) and it took me two months to respond to your comment from my bloggy.

      Erhmergerd. I’m smart like that.

      My bad.

      Either way… your avi rocks out loud!!!

      Mwah !
      Lynne

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  10. Rachel says:

    This is great! Loved finding and catching up with everything you’ve written! PS I nominated you on my blog for the Very Inspiring Blogger award – http://rvhoneymoon.com/2014/05/26/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    • Thank you Rachel

      I don’t know how I missed your comment until today! It was hiding from me LOL.

      I am über stoked that you nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award!!

      SMOOCH !!

  11. Keira says:

    Just found you blog and you are full on monkey balls to the wall hysterical!
    My hubs and I are not in a great place right now… 17 years of marriage, he works 24 hour work shifts as a firefighter/paramedic, he was gone 2.5 years during 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 kids who are now all teenagers and psycho in-laws make for a rough ride.
    Now my husband say’s I ‘micro manage’ him too much and need to give him some control in our household/life… all this from a man who smells underwear/socks laying on the floor to see if they are clean. Yep… let me hand over the parenting, cleaning, cooking, yard work, bills, pets, kids etc to this other adult who calls Underwear ‘always wear’ and would go to Wal-mart wearing nothing but boxer-briefs if I didn’t stop him at the door and insist he put on pants.
    Thanks for the laughs today… I needed it!

    • Keira !

      It’s great to see that you still have a sense of humour through it all :)

      I’m still laughing at the “monkey balls to the wall”

      Funny enough, (excuse the pun) we are on a road trip right now and have been listening to hours of satellite radio.

      Have you ever listened to Dr. Laura? Errhmergerd, she has a ton of great advice that would fit the bill perfectly for you and your fam. She can be brutal but real and sensitive all at once. LOVE her.

      OR… maybe I should start a column and call it …. Dear Lynne … teehee… that would be A HOOT !! Hmmm…

      I need 3 more cups of energy mud to really make this idea stick.

      Big love to you and your fam :) xx
      Lynne

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  13. Lol, this is great!! All true about mine especially the boob part!

  14. Oh, that first photo… : ]

  15. kitty says:

    New reader, newly REmarried and new stepmom to 3 boys (all over 18). I am amazed at the lack of visual sight! If they open a drawer, cabinet or frig they cannot SEE the contents…”where’s the OJ”, “where’s the salt” or “where’s the scissors” (fyi top drawer, right side, first slot, only two items in that spot for the last year).

    My other head shake is the dropping of clothes, EVERYWHERE. There are clothes on every surface around the house, floors, countertops, beds, sofa, bedroom, stairs, garage…outside and inside.

    Love the first photo! I use to dress like that too BUT no more.

    Thanks, fun read!

    • Oh la la Kitty,

      Boys will be boys :) Blah. At least we can make fun of them :)

      Ohhhh that first photo… It was a pretty funny moment, I just had to capture it while I had the chance. Ha!

      Welcome aboard as a new reader !!! It’s so fun to have you here. xx

  16. cynthia says:

    #36 Science, aka the internet, has proven that women order the cotton jammies from Victoria’s Secret. Who the eff can sleep or breathe or fold laundry in an offing corset?

    Lynne, you are SO plumbing a profoundly deep mine here. Are you prepared for years of comments?

  17. the main reason I am with my Southern Man…first time we met…prepping some food… he completely seeded and cut up a whole cantaloupe into bite size pieces and cleanup up his mess! I was beyond stunned…has worn off a little in 15 years but still…
    and doesn”t have leave-the-cupboard-door-open-itis…has leave-the-hallway-light-on-itis…
    but its all good! thanks Lynne

  18. AwesomelyOZ says:

    lol! So true – men love shiny gadgets and they’re very simple. Men seriously don’t like asking for directions – at least I’m a side seat driver so he’s going to hear it whether he likes it or not, then I can say “i was right” :P Lovely list and enjoy the naked man in your room :) Have a great one Lynne! -Iva

  19. cynthia says:

    I STILL remember the day (living in the SF Bay Area) in November (cold, rain, fog) that Oliver said, wearing cutoffs and literally nothing else, “I’m a little cold, so I’m going to turn the heat up.” Said I, “No, you’re GOING TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LIKE A SANE PERSON!”

    RE #6: At my sister’s house one day, I changed the toilet paper roll and upon emerging from the bathroom, mentioned to her that I’d used the last roll of toilet paper. She turned to me open-mouthed, and gasped, “You CHANGED the toilet paper?!?!” Another time I walked into her house (we lived next door to each other, God I miss her!) just as she was hollering to God and the men/boys, “You people had better hope I never die because if I do, there is never going to be another square of paper towels or toilet paper IN. THIS. HOUSE!” She glared at me and said, “I don’t think Bob (husband) knows you can BUY paper towels at the grocery store!” His favorite grocery store purchases tended to bacon and hot dogs. Once when she and I were in SF together and called home, where the son & daughter were staying with Uncle Bob and his boys, the son said they’d had a GREAT dinner: steak, sausage, and corn on the cob. Enough said.

    Great post. Maybe one of the best ever.

  20. Sheila says:

    Men’s idea of doing laundry is to sniff their underwear and shirts to do a smell check!

  21. Sheila says:

    Why is it men can watch some of the grossest stuff on TV or a movie, but the second they see a speck of real blood they are weak to the knees and ready to pass out!

  22. Courtney says:

    :) I could hear your high spirited voice saying all this as I read down the list!

  23. Oh goodness these are hilarious and true. I have learned this: just because they have a pile of clothes on the floor, does not mean they are dirty. Track pants can sit on the floor next to the bed for days at my house and if I pick it up and put it in the hamper I get asked: “why did you do that? They were clean and I wanted to wear them right now!” Ugh.

  24. Anita says:

    Oh Lynne, this is a keeper my friend. Soooooo many truths here.

  25. Melanie says:

    Love this so much! The keeping open of the cupboards and dirty underwear everywhere is soooooooooooooooo true. I love how you say never ask them what they are thinking as they can think about nothing for hours – why is that?????? This week my man has been watching the cricket one night after work I went out with a girley friend and he was happy as a pig in much because he could watch the cricket sitting in his pants and not hear me in the background. They truly are a different breed but ya gotta love them for it!!!! ;o)

    • You can say that again.

      I almost envy their THINKING ABOUT NOTHING.

      Wouldn’t it be fun to have an on/off switch on our own brains?

      Or a chalk board eraser for some thoughts that sneak in to our heads. LOL.

      Happy weekend girly !

      xx

  26. Sally A says:

    P.S. (Sorry I’m Chatty Cathy) I don’t want you to think that because I wanted my husband to wear pants that I’m saying your husband should stop going around naked! I still laugh at the story of you finding him pulling the quills out of your dog’s nose naked as a jay bird! Too funny!!

  27. Sally A says:

    I know I’m late to the party, but just had to comment. The pic reminds me of my husband walking around in his boxers ALL THE TIME! What if someone comes over? My proposal……on a sandy beach? A candle lit restaurant? On our couch with him in his boxers. Oh well, he loves me and that’s the important thing! Thankfully he’s given that up after 15 years….why? This is my advice to “train a husband”…as was mentioned, they love praise (and you’re right…use sparingly or they become obnoxious) so, at some point instead of saying “please would you just put some pants on at least?” I waited until he was actually wearing clothes and told him how handsome he looked. Repeated over time, and tada! Make a man feel like a man. Let them know that they do a terrific job of taking care of you (for you independent women out there, this could be difficult) and be the weak “can you please help me with this pickle jar?” woman every now and then. They LOVE it! And you will love it too when they feel good about themselves. Men are built to be the ones in charge…it’s in their nature. Even though, we of course know the truth. Build them up with praise…thank them for the smallest things…thank them for working hard for you and your family. Do not take them for granted. If they do mess up, don’t beat them up for it, we all make mistakes. If they hurt your feelings, let them know, but don’t dwell on it. (unless it’s really bad…then get the rolling pin, we aren’t putting up with no bullshit!) :o) It’s worked for me, my husband is awesome! Perfect? Gawd no! But he is wearing pants now. :o)

    • Sally,

      I LOVE YOUR ADVICE… I wholeheartedly live by the same advice … and it works.

      Just love them :)

      You have written a beautiful recipe for a beautiful marriage. I think we should all print it out and paste it on our refrigerators. Ha!

      THANK YOU for writing that !! xx

  28. Denise Erickson says:

    Thank the Lord that we have two bathrooms so we don’t have to share (THIS most certainly saved our marriage!) But I always know when he’s been in my bathroom looking for something. Whatever it is remains on the counter cluttering things up. Somehow he never got that there’s a logical progression which is key to preventing household anarchy: 1) locate item, 2)use it, then 3)return to its rightful spot. He is terminally stuck on #2 and NEVER performs #3, to my everlasting dismay. But what the hell, I’m into this thing for 39 years, so I think I’ll keep him.

  29. val says:

    Put a roast or a turkey in front of them to carve…all of a sudden he forgets he was ever a butcher and cannot slice without your encouragement to just do it..somehow..anyhow..just get it on the platter! Like it is holy…and special .and needs to be done just right….

  30. Jess says:

    Lynne, I love your style! You had me laughing!
    #41 Don’t even think about planning any sort of life events on Fantasy Football draft weekend. All productivity and sign of life is lost that weekend unless it involves 20 guys sitting in a room with laptops and iPads, beer, and pizza. Life as we know it ceases to exist.

  31. Say what? I’m still stuck on the opening image.
    “sexy-cool and a horrific-speedo” – TRUTH!
    I’m alternating between snort laughing and rotflmao.

    I have nothing to add that wouldn’t get me into trouble. Srsly. :-D

    • Srsly :) LOVE it…. ‘nothing to say that wouldn’t get me into trouble’ Ha!

      After I snapped that photo of Michael, I tossed between laughing out loud and erhhhmergerd what have I gotten myself into over the past 20 years?!! Hahahahaha !

      He’s such a good sport. My girlfriends are trying to convince me to frame that photo :) ha!

    • PS Elen

      I signed up to your bloggy, but I’m not getting notifications < — I screamed that.

      I love your blog !

      Hook me up sista :) xx

  32. Linda D says:

    #41. No matter how close it is to their face, men cannot find things so they don’t try. They prefer to ask where something is without looking. Even if your kitchen only has one cupboard of dishes they will still ask where are the plates? This behaivor is extremely contagious and children will catch this disease as soon as they can speak in full sentances.

    Thank you for the FULL belly laugh. That felt good.

  33. PJ Hatmaker says:

    #22 made me laugh out loud and it startled the poor little lady who is painting my piggies. Bigger tip for her. Big smile for me.

  34. Craig says:

    Check out Vancouver doorknob law… It will be the law everywhere soon… you can’t open a door that has a round doorknob with your elbow… of course it makes sense, but a law… oh well… don’t get me started… cause I’ll have to bring up lightbulbs… Keep smiling…

    • Lightbulbs.

      Ohhhh no. Craig. LOL. You brought up the lightbulbs.

      Shhh… I have a secret stash of incandescent lightbulbs that will last me until 2084.

      I’m hoarding them now. Anyone else who loves 25 watt REAL lightbulbs (wrinkle removers) need to start a stash. Pronto. STAT.

      :)

      Happy Friday night, dude. xx

  35. Laura Podrasky says:

    No matter how busy you are they still need you to call and make their doctors appts or call and ask questions. Drives me crazy and makes me laugh, too!

    • Oh Laura,

      Did you watch the Youtube commercial in the blog post?

      HILARE !!

      Totally true.

      Pam… can you call my MOM? Hhaha. Man baby.

    • Debbie Perkins says:

      Yep. Yep. Yep. I make my hubs appts. fill his pill box, yada yady yada. Does he schedule my paps and mammograms? No way. Just the words and his skin crawls. Bahaha. I am happy to have him, so I guess that I will keep on keeping him healthy(all those rattling pills), wealthy(?),and wise(a@@). We have to keep a humorous attitude, don’t we?

  36. Christina says:

    I absolutely love this list and the 1st pic. They made me laugh so hard! I’m not sure what # we are on but my husband has this thing about closing cabinet doors…how hard is it to take something out of the cabinet and then shut the door? And when we eat dinner, he will get up from the table and take one thing in the kitchen and then he thinks he’s done a good thing……sigh. I just don’t get it. Thanks for the great post today! :)

    • Ha Christina !!

      Closing the cupboard door? That’s rocket science, didn’t you know? LOL!!

      Men, they are like kids.

      They sure keep us entertained :)

      Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Hahahaha !!

  37. LOL – what a great post Lynne. And that opening photo is the best ever. I will share with my hubby so he knows that I make sure he has clothes before I include him in a random photo.

    #43 Men have an amazing ability to find kitchen items when they help in the kitchen and then have no recollection where they go when it comes to putting them away. I find the strangest things in the wrong places. I put them back, they get used and put away in another strange place. Hence the question “have you seen the _____” which is usually met with the “why would I know where you left it”. Learn to love help in the kitchen and know that they have left you with a in kitchen scavenger hunt.

    Thanks for making my Friday!

    Jo-Ann

    • Too funny Jo-Ann,

      Husbands who are married to bloggers should come with a warning label.

      Any naked actions could be used against them.

      Jokes. Jokes.

      I think you need to pull the camera out when your hubby isn’t looking :) this could be FUN !

      xx

  38. SusanR says:

    Even after 20 years, they have NO idea why you’re mad at them.

    They can spot a one word error in 10,000 lines of computer code, and miss the dried cat barf on the pillow.

    You can be carrying one of your dismembered limbs, and it will not occur to them to help you bring in the groceries from the car.

    They will make coffee, a sandwich or grab ice cream from the freezer and never think to ask if you want anything.

    They can happily sit in utter chaos, watch TV and eat chips.

    Why did I not just rent one as needed?????

    • Bahhhaaaa

      One word error, but miss cat barf !

      * Belly laugh *

      Here comes my truth serum … I got lucky. Michael is so sweet and sensitive and would totally bring me a jug of ice cream if I wanted it… even if his arms were full of mile high boxes. LOVE that dude.

      Thankfully, he also has a good sense of humour.

      I’m getting a bit nervous that he might post a blog post about women. Teehee.

      Thankfully, he won’t be able to catch me naked in a chair. haha!

    • Mary Lou G says:

      Love the Rental Idea…. lmao….Change is always good for your soul.!
      Will add THEY DON’T DO CHANGE!!
      Last Night was A ***Classic***, The Big Guy (all on his own) grabbed the bag out of the garbage can & walked it out to the bin, usually it is thrown in the truck box for a couple days not sure why but 2 or 3 days later after those scenic trips to work it gets dropped off on his way into the yard.. Have never questioned that, just glad it’s gone.. Sorry was just wandering in my head there..
      BUT last night – garbage out, he comes back in, and I here… ‘Louie – we’re outta bags’ ME-‘They’re on the dryer’. Keep hearing him in there muttering then – ‘Nope u forgot to buy them’ THAT’S WHEN THE the GUYDAR went off with a blast… I’m laughing so hard can barely yell back at him— ‘did you see the YELLOW box?’ Peed a tad as he yells back ‘ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A GREEN BOX’ bwaaaaahaaaaaa, so glad after 35 years of marriage the old man STILL KNOWS HIS COLOURS BUT CAN’T READ…

  39. Craig says:

    Hmmm…
    The first thing I see in picture #1…
    The doorknob…. Why? round ones
    are no longer legal in Canada… just sayin’…
    (new construction of course)
    thanks,
    fun read…
    gotta go… time for me to go be a man now…
    Friday night will be here soon… now where is
    that Barry White album…. oh yeah….

    • Wait a second Craig. Waiiiiiiitttt a second. I thought that was a stupid RUMOUR about the door knobs.

      They are legit illegal ?

      I’m totally breaking the law over here in our household. If the door knob police show up, you need to come and bail me out of jail.

      PS. Bring margaritas :)

  40. jaine gayer says:

    They can handle 4 remotes all at once and explain the directions on how to use them and really think I will understand those directions.
    If it takes more than 1 remote, I’m not interested.

  41. Diane says:

    So, in my household, getting my hubby to finish a project is easy: Especially if it involves the use of power tools! I threaten to finish it myself! Your tips are all SPOT ON!

  42. men will well, my men will ( one husband, one son just to clarify… ) gang up on you, tease you incessantly, say they are doing you a favour because you never had brothers and then… when you need them to, they will defend, support and have your back. I love my silly men.
    Side note…
    Is it wrong that I now feel like showing my hubs the pic you shared of your hubs as a way of showcasing my restraint in not embarrassing him on my little blog???? Because you KNOW I COULD!

    • So true Cynthia !

      I do have a brother. He would pick on me at home, but would punch out other kids in the school yard if they even looked at me the wrong way.

      Too funny !!

      Show your hubs ! My girlfriends have all been sending it to their hubs too. Somehow, it’s like a tribe… the men just GET EACH OTHER. They know they do it.

      I tried to convince Michael that I could use his photo by telling him that his shoulder blades looked like angel wings.

      LOL LOL LOL

  43. Jennifer says:

    #43
    Men have the supernatural power to not fart in front of company, but alone with the wife…can’t help themselves. Uncanny. Very funny Lynne!!!1

    • It’s a MAN TALENT.

      Ha !

      They may be experts in that field. :)

    • deneen says:

      if I don’t explain EXACTLY where something is in the frige – “top shelf, left side, to the back, in a square glass container with a red lid”, he’ll open the door & yell that he can’t find it. Drives me bat shit crazy. And it’s not just things in the fridge, I have to do this with everything because God forbid he should have to move things around. But – on the other hand, he slept with a kitten, that I rescued at an abandoned house, on his chest all night (after declaring ‘this thing isn’t coming into the house!’) because he didn’t want her to be afraid.

      he’s a keeper :)

  44. Kathy says:

    Men fart whenever and wherever they feel like it and then look around like “It wasn’t me!” I just look at my hubs and he gets this funny grin, and I know I got him. Oh, I have a can of Febreze under my pillow for those middle of the night times!!!!

    • Why didn’t I think of that ?!!

      One febreeze mist on the bed, and one big fat splash on his head. Solved.

      Your room will be smelling like daisies.

      Gotta run.. I have some shopping to do.

      Teehee

  45. Melissa says:

    I ONCE went out with a guy who didn’t put down the toilet seat. As I said, only ONCE! (Yep, you guessed it…I’m single).

    • You are one smart cookie Melissa.

      It only takes one butt dip into the cold toilet water to appreciate a good … toilet seat put-er-down-er :)

      You may have to wait a while to find one of those. Possibly f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

      :)

  46. HA that first photo is priceless. Makes all 40 things totally worth it. I think you should frame it ;)

  47. Tristan says:

    #42 Men like the fluffiest comfiest blankets and good cup of tea. But if another man walks in… they like beer and TSN.

    p.s #21 killsss me. So fricken funny

    xo

    • Oh my goodness Tristan ! HILARE !!!

      Sooooo true.

      You are becoming an expert in ‘man training” :) You’ve got them all figured out.

      Now come home and teach me how to get Dad to aim his clothes RIGHT INTO the laundry hamper :)

      Bahhhah hahaha baaaa

  48. Bailey Scott says:

    Love it! One clarification, though, in defense of mothers everywhere… #15. We TRY (oh, how we try!!) to teach our sons to put the lid down. It just. Doesn’t. Happen. EVER. It’s quite infuriating, actually. I think it has something to do with #9 (laundry proximity) and #32 (open-cupboard-itis). Which leads me to…

    #41 – Men will pee on and around the toilet seat. ALWAYS look before you sit!

    xo – BS

    • We try oooooh how we try. Because WE ARE PERFECT. hahahahahahahaha.

      Their laundry just gets dirtier and dirtier and spawns nasty dirty sock babies and on and on and on.

      They are a ‘MAKE WORK’ project.

      Someone needs to invent a vacuum cleaner that attaches to a mans leg.

      Haha !

  49. Robin says:

    I love this!! But I have one quibble with #15…: Being the mother of a young man myself, you can harp on lowering the lid all you want, but what you’ll get back for the next 21 years is a fart and an eye-roll. Then magically, the GIRLFRIEND says it ONCE and PRESTO!! Down it goes. But it doesn’t last. Especially if she becomes the wife. Pick yer battles, I say.

  50. Oh, my gosh what a perfect list, Lynne! I’m laughing and it’s not even 8am here. I can relate to so many of these. I’m lucky in the regard that my guy actually will wash dishes. The catch is he may leave them for a WHOLE day before he starts, in which case I go on ‘cooking strike’. He doesn’t know when his favorite hoodie needs washing so I have to peel it off him. He ONLY wears Levi’s. He has 2 pair of shoes and doesn’t understand why he might need one other pair. HUH? He doesn’t get the shoe thingy. He says guys never notice women’s shoes so we must be buying them so other women will notice them. UGH, really? My guy doesn’t golf which is really great for me because I was a golf widow for the whole 18 years I WAS married. Michael is soooo handsome! Wasn’t he a good sport for allowing those pic’s and this post? OR he doesn’t know…?

  51. #42 One of the very few things that will make a man cry is having their car restored by Chip Foose on the tv show Overhaulin. It happens every…single…time!

    Love you Lynne!!

    Denise

  52. Cate Moore says:

    #41 … all men have a virus that causes them to leave things where they last were and not where they belong. THIS is why they lose everything, then find it just so they can lose it again.

  53. Soooooooooooooooooooooooo funny! Loved it Lynnie! xoxoxo

  54. Cate Moore says:

    LOVE love LOVE this post! Made my day! xo

    • Hahaha Cate !

      You’ve got great ones too ! Add one to the list ….

      You go first :

      Number 41 : _________________

      xx

      • WandaMG says:

        I was divorced for 23 years, raised two boys by myself and then said “I do” 4 years ago. WTF?? I’ve been trying to find the source for this moment of madness. It’s like forgetting what labor pains are like until you find out you’re pregnant again!

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