The Best Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin Recipe

RECIPE: How to make the best blueberry muffins

That’s right.  These are the best skinny bitch blueberry bootylicious muffins you will ever put in your mouth.  What a mouthful.

But seriously.  These muffins are delish, and you won’t get a big ol’ booty from them.

Minimal junk in the trunk.

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

These are beautifully-tasty-moist-ahhhmazing blueberry muffins.

Period.

Stamped it.

 Double stamped it.

I want it all, and I don’t want a big ol’ booty after I eat them {all}.

How’s about you?

Y’all with me on that?

GOOD.  Let’s play a game.

 The game of make low fat muffins and then eat them all. 

* happy  dance *

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin  

 How do you spell 108 C.A.L.O.R.I.E.S ?

***

Skinny   Bitch   Blueberry   Muffin

That’s how.

***

You can have that svelte body of yours (LOL) AND eat muffins.

Imagine that?

You can have your muffin cake and eat it too.

Problem :

 If you eat the big fattening store bought muffins, your mind will be writing a cheque that your body can’t cash …

* muffin blubber *

I’m here to help you out.  I’ve been down this muffin road before.

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

 

It’s the time of year to nest and bake, non?

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Nest Bake Relax

 

When I feel like crap, I nest.

I rearrange the kitchen.  Actually, I just move things on tables and put flowers everywhere.

I light a billion candles.  Fire department quantities of candles.

It’s all a necessary evil to do these nesting things.

Or I will become evil.  It will be a bitch-fest around here.

It is a way to calm my I want to punch someone inner self.

If I don’t do these things to chill, someone is going to get throat punched.

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Peaceful and calm. Yahhhh.

 

I’m also a blogger.  iWrite.  iBake.  Therefore, iAm.

That is my winter sanity.

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Bake Bread.

I don’t even care what I bake.

The important part is that what I bake is sort of healthy for my mind & body.

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

I bake the muffins, because if I buy muffins I’m going be mad at me later.  I’m going to need a time out.  If I had a third leg, I would kick myself with it.  Right after I finish eating the muffins.

The problem is that I am forever tempted by the donut shop muffins {{ even though I know they are going to give me Buddha belly.}}

I can actually inhale eat those kind of muffins in about…..wait for it…. wait for it…. 4 seconds.

 

I can hear the coffee shop whispers now :

 

Let her finish eating that.

Let’s count how long it takes her to inhale it.  One potato. Two potato. Three potato.

Oh wait, she is done.

Oh wow.

That is dangerous muffin top living.

Is she waddling AND holding her belly at the same time?

” Have a good day ma’am ”

*Whisper *whisper * –  “is she pregnant?”  Shhhh….

 

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

 

Why bake bootylicious skinny bitch muffins in your own kitchen?

Do you like muffins?

Do you like muffin top?

There.

That’s why.

No one wants a muffin attached to their hips.

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Gulp.  Delish !!

Eat well and your body will thank you for it.

Then no one gets punched in the head.

{ And you won’t need to visit Dr. acula }

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Baking BREAD moment. Ahhhh.

 

This recipe is so tasty it should be illegal.

Go ahead.

Try and convince people that these skinny bitch muffins are low fat.

 No one will believe you.

 You should be in jail before 4 o’clock.

Happy road trippin’ to you.  At least you will have some nice muffins for your road trip.

Skinny  Bitch  Blueberry  Muffin  RECIPE

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

 

Mix and let stand for 10 mins:

1 cup quick cooking rolled oats

1/2 cup wheat bran

1 cup non fat milk or almond milk

*

Mix in a separate bowl:

1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce

1 egg (beaten)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

*

In ANOTHER bowl ( Geesh – messy)  mix together:

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon (or more, if you feel wild)

a few dashes of nutmeg

*

Mix all ingredients together and then fold in 1 cup of blueberries.

Add in an extra 1/2 cup or so of other berries – blackberries, raspberries, any berries for a fruit explosion.

Bake at 375 degrees ( 190 * C ) for 15-20 minutes.

Bam.  You are DONE.

Enjoy !

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

 

Did you know that you can use parchment paper or brown paper for muffin cups ??!!  Dang sexy, don’tcha think?

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

Brown paper muffin liners – how pretty is THAT ?

 

Now I walk by the muffin cups in the grocery store now and snub them.  My inner voice:  Pffftttt to the muffin cups on the grocery store shelves.  It’s easy to just make them using parchment paper or kraft paper.

 

So DELISH !! Skinny Bitch Blueberry Muffin #Recipe http://wp.me/p38cMm-21B #blueberrymuffin #muffin

 

Go ahead.

Bake some skinny bitch blueberry muffins.

Then kiss yourself.

You deserve it.

This is what winter cheer is all about.

BAKE.

SMILE.

 

 

So what do you do ?

How do you get through the winter blahhhh’s ? Share with sugar bear.

I need more hot tips {{ aka winter survival skills. }}

Lynne

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33 Responses

  1. Pingback: How to Blog when you're blogstipated | Design The Life You Want To Live

  2. I will have to give these a whirl – they look go-od! I am more of a cardamom girl than cinnamon though. Btw, I shape my muffin tin cups with wine glasses. Works a treat and awfully handy to have 12 wine glasses on the countertop of an evening….Don’t judge.

    • Holy Batman, great idea Kellie !!

      I have seen cheesecake and other shenanigans in mason jars, but the wine glass idea takes it to a whole new level.

      I’m not judging, LOL… I’m coming to your house for dessert 🙂

      xx

  3. Pingback: Hello Water. Bye Bye Muffin Top. | Design The Life You Want To Live

  4. Karen says:

    I’m definitely a Blueberry Muffin snob! I WILL try these asap….and give you MY take on them……….yup I will. I ALSO don’t want a muffin top,so,so happy to find your recipe. Reviews forthcoming~ (your writing style reminds me of my all time favorite author………………… Elizabeth Berg)

    • Hi Karen !

      Did you try the muffins? Were they an explosion of fruit mixed with a light airiness but with substance? Okay, now I have a blueberry muffin craving. I am throwing myself into reading these days… and have never read Elizabeth Berg. Thanks for mentioning her. Now I know who to read next ! What are your faves of hers ?

      Lynne xx

  5. Molly Sue says:

    Can’t wait to make these and get skinny! & bitchier than ever. I, too, snub muffin cups, but have heretofore felt I must forgo muffins to stand by my painfully tree-hugging principles (cuddling-with-spruce level tree-hugging, painful like that). But now! I can have muffins, be skinny, and bitchy because I bake things that look like uber-trendy-retro-crunchy-WAY-expensive bakeries. & btw, sauté that herb in good butter, strain it, and use •that• in your ‘herbal’ brownies. Cut ’em small 😉

  6. Shelley says:

    Lynne, you’re a girl who must be published. YOu are such fun in your writings.. When I speak of published, I speak in magazines. Humour is lacking in magazine publications…

    You have a gift.

    Adore you and to pieces.. And yep, making your muffins demain…

    xoxoxo

  7. Tracie says:

    Well, still haven’t made these muffins……I haven’t picked up the required ingredients yet. I am so going to make these this weekend. I love your blog, Lynne! I check it every day, even though you clearly are not an every day, blog-posting kind of gal. I understand that you have a life though, and forgive you for it. Really, I do. You rock!

    • Lynne Knowlton says:

      Haha Tracie !

      You are right….If I blogged everyday, the whole family would definitely be eating popcorn for dinner every night. AND wow !!!!!…..you check the blog everyday? You are more disciplined than me. LOL. Even I don’t check it that often. haha.

      Are you subscribed ? If you subscribe, you will receive a new blog post in your email inbox each time one is published. The cool thaaaang about that is that you don’t have to check the blog every day. Tahhhdaahhhh. The blog post will be personally delivered to you into your email inbox. Coolio huh?
      xx
      P.S. I just LOVE that you stick by my blog like that. You are INCREDIBLE.

      • Tracie says:

        Lynne,
        Of course I am subscribed. I still check my inbox every day…:) I am intrigued at how how your posts seem to reflect what is going on in my life too, and I admire so many things about you. That treehouse is amazing!! My son built my granddaughter a treehouse, not as grand as yours, but I am proud of him for it nonetheless, and she loves it! She just turned 8 and they live in Alberta, so she also has an actual igloo in her back yard, no lie! Like I allways say Lynne, keep up whatever it is you do, because all of us out here in blogland totally appreciate it. I hope things are awesome in your world. I really do because you sure deserve it. And I am totally making those muffins this weekend. All I need now is the wheat bran…….yay!

  8. Ami S. in Paris says:

    World’s Best Brownies

    1/4 cup butter (2 ounces = 55 grams)
    6 tablespoons Van Houten cocoa
    2 eggs
    1 cup granulated sugar (200 grams)
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1/2 cup flour (75 grams)
    1/8 teaspoon salt (omit if using salted butter)
    1/2 cups chopped walnuts (optional)

    Preheat oven to 325 F (160 C). Melt butter at low heat in large saucepan. Remove from heat and stir in cocoa. Mix in granulated sugar. Beat eggs with vanilla and add to mixture. Stir in flour and salt; add walnuts (if using). Spread in greased 8X8 inch (20X20 cm) baking pan (double recipe: 13X9 inch). Bake for twenty minutes. Do not overbake.

    Tips:
    1. Melt the butter in a saucepan that is large enough to be your mixing bowl, then you don’t have to pour it into another container.
    2. Van Houten cocoa is the best! or use another good quality Dutch cocoa.
    3. Make sure the butter/cocoa mixture has cooled a bit before adding eggs. Normally, once the sugar is mixed in, it is cool enough.
    4. Bake at only 325 F (160 C): le chocolat n’aime pas le chaud. End baking when inserted knife comes out almost clean – may be less than twenty minutes depending on your oven.
    5. In my experience, kids do not like walnuts!

  9. Fiona H. says:

    Dear 102 year old muffin maker,
    this is an amazing recipe.
    Like eating muffin flavoured puffs of AIR.
    It’s like: wow, eating muffins isn’t even a SIN any more. Man. I have had my fair share of sinning.
    SO: your like and angel. BECAUSE you are making something something sinful and naughty into something NICE and totally HEALTHYYYY.
    Therefore, as logic goes, these are:
    sin-less angel made muffin puffs.

    Get my drift?
    I don’t.
    But I don’t care cause your muffins taste fab and I am going to make obscene amounts MORE.

    Many thanks from a sin-free Parisian (that just loves you to bits) Fi xxxx

  10. Kim Bee says:

    Man I tried kissing myself and it just didn’t go well. So I decided to bookmark the liner site instead. Much easier. Way to start me on a new obsession. There’s going to be muffins for miles thanks to you. I hope you’re happy now. And seriously dude, magic brownies are happening here right now. You meant ones with pistachios right?

  11. Okay- seriously- you have a tree house and a kick ass stove? I hear you can get maple syrup in can and milk in a bag in Canada too. I think I need to move. Here I am thinking I’m all cool because I got weck jars for Christmas. Know what I do during the bitch-fest others call winter? Start a 365 day challenge and write about it. You know, because I have nothing else going on! (really- please read it! http://www.shopsmall2013.wordpress.com). Funny, I just wrote about the best blueberry muffin I’d ever had, but I’m definitely trying yours this weekend!

  12. mom says:

    ok…here’s my skinny witch recipe (I can’t do the “b” word…when you get to be my age, you’re a skinny witch.) Now this jam recipe will take some work, so start lining up the ingredients……….1 clean jar, 1 package frozen organic raspberries. Directions: Open frozen package, pour into jar, place on counter, when defrosted, pour off liquid (and add to your Daiquiri), then squish with a fork…and wha la…. fabulous home-made skinny jam :o)

  13. Tracie says:

    Man, I so love your kitchen. That stove is just incredible. I am seriously making those muffins too, even though I have to shop for most of the ingredients, and those liners! I’m such a copy-cat hey? I am seriously copying that mosaic backsplash too, once I get some details, hint-hint. This recipe is very timely, as my honey and I both have to make some changes in our diets. It looks you’ve reduced the fat and calories but increased the flavour and beauty, and who doesn’t want that? Keep em coming Lynne!!

    • Lynne Knowlton says:

      Haha Tracie
      I was going through my photos and comments last night and TOTALLY THOUGHT OF YOU !!! I MUST get that blog post done for you one of these days. It will be an absolute special delivery ! I think I had a hot flash just feeling guilty that I haven’t finished the post yet. Should I go throw myself in the snow bank ?
      Big love…and thanks for hanging in there.
      I’m slow but sure. LOL.
      Happy muffin eating. They are d’bomb dot com.
      xx

  14. Tristan says:

    Very Hilarious as always!!

    ps I do need some junk in my trunk so will you come up with a recipe that goes straight to your booty next? #please #smallbootyproblems #loveu

    • Lynne Knowlton says:

      ha Tristan !
      You are so funny ! You have a gorgeous booty. Ewwwwh, that sounded all wrong. I’m your momma. Ok, I have an awesome bread recipe AND banana bread recipe that could put some junk in your trunk. Me too. I could use a bit of booty. Let’s make it together. xx
      Love you,
      Momma xx

    • Lynne Knowlton says:

      Dawna,
      When you make some muffins…share with sugar bear 🙂 I’m drooling over here. Muffin withdrawal. I want more more more. xx

    • Lynne Knowlton says:

      Hi Orla ! I miss you girly !! We need to plan a girls road trip soon ! Whatcha think? Let’s get Norma. This could be fun !!

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