Come on a road trip with me.
A three minute vacation. Right here. Right now.
Ready? Set? GO !!
This is going to be a great day.
Life is a crazy straw.
Sometimes you just need to hit the reset button.
Hit that button.
Hit it hard. Then sit back and relax.
You can have a three minute vacation right now on the blog, and you won’t even need to go through airport security.
Security: Did you pack your own suitcase?
Me: Yeah right. Like I could convince a stranger to iron my skirts, fold my t’s and pack my crap. Oh and oh… and that same stranger would sit on my suitcase to close it. Not. Now that would be a dream vacation before the vacation. Pinch me. Pinch me now.
Security screening gives a whole new meaning to the word ASS
Shhh. Don’t tell them I said that.
But now that I’m on a roll, I must say…
The customs forms are pretty darn entertaining too :
Q: Are you carrying an excess of $10,000 ?
A: Yeah. Right. If I had $10,000 do you think I would have sat beside the airplane toilet?
Q: Are you carrying any weapons?
A: Yup. My knitting needles. But you confiscated them when you strip searched me with the ‘I can see you naked’ machine that you have now. Holy crap, that thing is intimidating. I bet the security screening personnel see things that they wish they had never seen. It should come with a warning label:
Beware: Some things cannot be unseen.
Q: Have you or are you visiting a farm?
A: Like I would tell you. Do I have s.t.u.p.i.d written on my forehead?
Michael and I had a few days in Mexico this year. Why? Because we had free tickets. It is a long blahhhh story. So I won’t bore you with deets. I just didn’t want you to think I was a vacation whore. Vacation here. Vacation there.
You better start feeling sorry for me soon.
I made a choice in advance that I didn’t want to expel any ENERGY. Zip. Nada.
I wouldn’t even carry a camera. It’s the size of a kitten. Much too heavy for my laziness. Only my phone would pass the light as a feather, free as a bird test.
Technically, I could only lift my arm for cold cocktails.
I managed to take all the photos with my iPhone and share with instagram. I pushed two buttons. Then I was exhausted. It’s hard work doing nothing.
It’s exhausting to be lazy. I didn’t move a muscle. Except to lift my arm for burritos, nachos and tequila. Rinse and repeat on a daily basis.
Does this mean you will follow me on instagram so I don’t feel like a lazy loser without friends? I love my
imaginary real friends on instagram. YOU are my insta inspiration !
What did I learn?
Vacation quiet is deafening.
And I like it that way.
Let’s listen to the waves together.
I was so excited to go on a vacation to Mexico.
I went crazy just thinking about it. I almost passed out. Well, I chewed my gum really fast anyway.
I like that you think I am joking.
Want more vacation time?
Okay, I’m dishing out more vacation photo relaxation.
Because I love you.
You deserve a break.
Maybe a raise too.
Go tell your boss.
Note to self : Do not tell your boss that you read blogs at work. I don’t want to be responsible for the rise in unemployment rate.
This is supposed to be fun.
PS. My friends pointed out that this turtle is also anatomically correct. Laugh out loud.
Vacations are great for health and happiness.
Same same but different.
Sometimes, life can be like pushing a rope uphill.
Take a break. It gets easier after you take a break.
The life part gets easier.
Not the uphill rope pushing part.
That’s just hopeless.
Don’t go there.
I’m a parent.
Parents need a summer vacation from the freaking summer vacation.
I guess this means I’m not getting Mother of the Year Award this year. Pfffft.
For the record, you should know that I just did a full day of camp laundry today. I was armed with a clothes peg on my nose and I only dry heaved three times. The smell of camp laundry makes my eyes water and my nostrils flair in utter fear.
Laundry is fascinating, isn’t it? There are about three words in there that are true.
Laundry is a place where happiness goes to die.
It is a problem, multiplied by 10 thousand million.
We need vacations from laundry.
We just need vacations.
Because they are fun.
Vacations are how I get my rocks off. If I had rocks.
They are a time when you sit back and chant words to yourself.
Words like… marg-a-rita…. marg-a-rita….. marg-a-rita
Do you know what is great about sand in the pants? Neither do I.
I prefer to keep the sand outta my own pants.
It’s best admired from a distance.
To top your vacation off, I thought I’d put some icing on your vacation cupcake with an hilarious video. Want to snort your drink outta your nose laughing? Check out this YouTube video of a man dancing in his speedo. You will laugh out loud. The energy of this guy is amazeballs. He certainly doesn’t suffer from shyness…..
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It’s free. Faaahreee.
Oh, and in case I forget to tell you… you are friggin’ awesome.