Is Your Neighbour a Jerk face? Green Moss Graffiti to the rescue…

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GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBOURS 

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and

Green Moss Graffiti makes them even BETTER neighbours.

You got that right,  Charlie Brown.

I had a bad neighbour.  ONCE.  Been there. Done that.

Don’t want the jerk face poster again.

Time has passed.  I moved.  I can now write about my neighbour without wanting to jump off a bridge.  Or drink a whole bottle of wine.  By myself.  Not that I would confess ever do that.

So how did I survive the difficult neighbour ?

~ my imagination ~

I used my imagination to create revenge tactics on my neighbour.

{ In my head }

I didn’t use my outside voice.  It was fun.  You should have been there.

In hindsight

I only wish I had seen this idea, many moons ago :

Green Moss Graffiti may have changed my world at the time.  For the better.

Because if I had known this little ‘mossy trick’….

I would have created some choice words on my neighbors wall.  Yup.

JERK FACE

splashed on the side of his house.

I could have discreetly wrote the word on his wall and then….

sipped my wine tea

and

WATCHED IT GROW.

Suddenly…like outta nowhere….the word would appear.  It could have been like an

Extra Terrestrial experience.

Half the fun is in the plotting thinking about it.

The artist who created these beautiful works of art is Anna Garforth.  She really puts her creative art to wonderful artistic use.  I may be the only soul on earth who would use it to plot against a neighbour.  It is still creative, so that may count for something, when I get to the Big Pearly Gates in the sky.  I could always decorate the gates with moss.  I would save the day with MOSS!  Let’s hope the big guy has a sense of humour.

Aren’t you glad I am not your neighbour ?! haha. I know that is what you are thinking.

COOL, huh ?

I am going for it.  On our pool stone walls this summer.

  I will write something prophetic.  Like LOVE.  Or KINDNESS.  Or KISS MY BUTT.  Something like that.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MAKING GREEN MOSS GRAFFITI :

(If you know the source of these sketches, please share with me. I couldn’t find it. My bad)

                                                     Yah, yah, watch your art grow

*  on your neighbours wall  *

Alternative method for  How to Make Green Moss Graffiti :

WHAT YOU NEED :

• moss
• buttermilk
• (or) yogurt
• water or beer

{ I personally wouldn’t waste beer on a wall }.

I would drink the beer while making the moss graffiti.  Better use of beer. Foooorr-shurrr

• Sugar
• Corn syrup ( optional )*.

*Or you could make some caramel corn with the corn syrup, and eat the caramel corn, while drinking the beer & making green moss graffiti.

This is already sounding like a partridge in a pear tree song.

Put it all in a blender *

What the what what ?!? Put it all in a blender ? Maybe your neighbours blender.

 *Note:  After this experiment, you may never want to use your blender again.

Many moons ago & because I didn’t have this ‘mossy arsenal trick’ up my sleeve at the time, I had to use my imagination in other ways.  I planned TWO revenge tactics on my old neighbour.  The bratty jerk face SOB.  Note to all those who are now afraid to be my neighbour : All plots remained in my head.  No neighbours were harmed in this experiment.

NEIGHBOUR REVENGE TACTIC #1

It was a time when classified ads in a local paper were big news.  A time when people read the classifieds.  On paper.  I sound like a pioneer woman.  I now officially feel like I am 102 years old.

The Classified Ad :

For Sale : 150 retail store mannequins

My imagination went outta-control-crazy-butt-wild.  

- I had a plan -

We were planning a ‘good fence makes good neighbours fence‘ at the time.  That classified solved all the problems of (my) world.  I could buy the 150 buck naked, hair in the wind, scary faced mannequins and face every single one of them in a row ~ as a fence.  I think these ones would have been perfect, but all that jewellery gluing would have been time consuming.  Time consuming because I would have wanted to wear these EYEBALL sunglasses while doing the gluing.  Those are hilare :

Ok, never mind.  They look like a lot of work. But these ones would have been a walk in the park to fashion into a fence :

 I would have lined them up so they were staring right into my neighbours kitchen window.   I had so many hysterical moments just laughing at the idea of doing it, that I decided that it was too funny to waste such a good idea on a jerk face. I save my good ideas for good stuff.   I don’t know what that means.

A little trivia for you today :

Did you know ??!!!!……In Georgia, it’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first ? 

Whateevvve. I wonder if it is illegal to make a fence of naked ones?  Mmmmm.  Food for thought.

NEIGHBOUR REVENGE TACTIC #2

Get a squirt bottle.  Fill it with bleach, or some grass killing chemical.  There is a lot of that stuff around.   I am sure you can find something.  My dog is an expert. I am sure you can be too.  You get the drift.  Something bleach/strong like.  Be creative.  I had big plans to put some ‘somethin-somethin‘ in a bottle, and squirt some words on my neighbours grass.

Could you imagine his face when he saw his lawn ??!

Dreaming up ways to kill grass is not rocket science.  It amazes me that grass can grow out of a concrete mound, on the side of a hill, perched from no-where-ville, without sunshine or fancy fertilizer

…and BAM…

there is a tree or grass or some brilliant flower.

But  not in my back yard.  Grass growing around here is, in fact, rocket science.  It eludes me, every single summer.

I often walked by this building in Paris, and wonder how an entire building can GROW !? And yet —> Grass growing = rocket science in my household.

  I am a professional grass killer.  I can grow weeds like it is nobody’s business.  A weed pro.  That came out all wrong.

 I would never grow *weed*…Mom…

Ok, get that squirt bottle. I need to change the subject before I get arrested.  Go write the words JERK FACE on your neighbours grass.  Then wait.  Pray for rain, maybe.  Wait for the words to appear.  Like ET again.

I should patent such revenge brilliance.

May the fun begin.

  Do you have any neighbor revenge secrets?  For pete sakes, don’t post them if you still have your jerk face neighbour.  I take that back.

Post them.

 You will discover who your true friends* are when they come to bail you out of jail.

*The real ones will come with bottle of wine in hand & a squirt bottle hanging out of their back pocket.