A DIY That Will Make Your Breasts Larger & Your Waistline Smaller *snicker*

This DIY will even make you stand ten feet tall.

Why ?

Because you will be as proud as a peacock.

  You will puff out your chest, suck in your tummy and stand taller than a super model.

Wooohooo !!

  You rock out loud

Are you ready for the transformation ?!

Tahhhdahhhh……

But first…

You have some shopping to do.  Go to Ikea.  You need to buy some throw blankets, a shower curtain liner and bathroom accessories*

*The shells require a trip to the beach….

So, while you’re buying your throw blankets at Ikea you might want to book a trip to a tropical island.

* daydream *

 

 

My faves are from Ikea, but the truth is, I can’t lie to you … any store that sells funky throw blankets will do the trick.  Buy extra.  You will need them.  More on that later. They make great curtains too !!

In the spirit of honesty, there are also a couple of good reasons for avoiding Ikea.

a) Furniture assembly with itty bitty parts

b) Ikea = Swedish for divorce

You may need extra blankets when you hear about the mini catastrophe with my throw blankets.

I almost jumped off a bridge in sheer and utter madness.

I had a temper tantrum.

Actually, I had three temper tantrums.

Then, I drank.

Profusely.

I’m fine now.

Thanks for asking.

Another fan-freaking-static idea is to use curtain hooks (like the ones below) to hang your shower curtain.  This is not an option if you have a permanently fixed shower curtain rod.

Yup.  That would be me.  I was scumpered.

Grommets were my only solution.   I also like the look of the grommets and I wanted to test my temper tantrum skills patience …. so it was a calculated suffering and it was sort of worth it.  I can’t believe I just said that.

With the curtain rings, you can avert grommet disaster.  However, the look of the grommets can be quite beautiful so I that is why I didn’t give up the ghost on trying the grommet technique.

The grommet beauty must be balanced with patience.

Or alcohol.

Whichever comes first.

I chose grommets and alcohol.

This DIY is actually quite simple to do, so don’t get your knickers in twist like I did.  I am just trying to make you feel sorry for me and my DIY catastrophe.

You better be feeling sorry for me right now.

The most difficult factor is that you will need to measure out the space for your grommets to be evenly spaced across the top of your ‘future shower curtain.’

Do you remember math class when you were a kid and they gave you a problem like this to solve? :

If a car is speeding along a highway at 80 miles an hour, and the driver wants to stop every 20 minutes along the 100 mile stretch of road, what is the name of the driver and how many stops did he make ?…. and you were thinking … ” I hate this math shit.  I will never need to solve a problem like this in real life”.

Well the time has come.  You will need to lay out your throw blanket and determine how many grommets you will need to use and how far apart those grommets will be for an equal distance between each grommet.  Damn it.  The curse of the math teacher.

Shoot me.

Shoot me now.

 HOW TO MAKE A SHOWER CURTAIN FROM AN IKEA THROW BLANKET

1.   Go to heaven on earth Ikea.

2.   Buy throw blankets.   This one is my all-time fave :

Good news :   These blankets are unique and gorgeous as a shower curtain.

Bad news :    They stretch a bit longer after they are hanging.  Accept the fact that they will ‘puddle’ a bit on the floor.  If you like the look, you will live with the puddle and embrace its awesomeness.  Because it is.  Awesomeness.

 

3.   Buy grommets.  Get your hammer ready.  Do you have a high pain tolerance?  If not, have tequila nearby for the thumb whacking by the hammer.  Don’t you hate it when that happens?  OuCh.  Just thinking about it will induce a cringe and will cause the hair to stand up on the back of your neck.  Prepare yourself to take one for the team.

 

4.   Learn how to dance while holding thumb, dropping hammer, and hopping on one foot with teeth clenched and swearing.

5.   Swear to never use grommets again.  The grommets are not an ancient Chinese secret.  They are an ancient Chinese torture chamber of circles.

 

 

6.    Do not  * and I repeat * do not cut the whole in the yarn/ fabric first.   Just hammer the grommet directly through the throw blanket.  It will create its own hole that will fit perfectly with the grommet.  Don’t mess with that magic, otherwise this next problem will happen…..

This gives a whole new meaning to having your plans unravel :

Do you see that hole ?  This is where this shit gets real.

If it had a crotch, I would have kicked it.

I’m just kidding.  Not really.  Seriously.

~ a vewwry vewwry angry feeling arose ~

  Not that it happened to me.

 It totally happened to me.

Then I had to use this stink bomb glue to rescue the disaster :

Btw’s ~  it worked.  It also smelled to the high heavens.  Maybe I wasn’t thinking straight ??!!

 I was high.

My self talk : Why hadn’t I tried this glue thing before now?

Glue is definitely a way to keep a DIY interesting *snicker*

Then….. ohhhh then…..the second disaster struck.  While hammering the grommets in place, I hammered a couple of them together and ended up with a grommet shortage.

  Who does that ? Grrrh.  Me.

Note : I live in the middle of no-where-ville.

 The grommet store is about a billion miles away*

* Just around the corner in Canadian miles.

OMG.

Punch me.

Punch me now.

By the time I travelled to the next province & bought more, I ripped the package open so fast, I can’t remember the name of the grommets.

7.   The size of grommet is 3/8” {{ I think }}.

Blame it on the glue.

I wasn’t thinking too clearly.  I don’t have a photographic memory.  I don’t even have a short-term memory.  If I did, I can’t remember.

It could have been the 15 hour drive.

* the angry smoke billowing out of my ears affected my eye sight and then I couldn’t read the packaging *

Here are the remnants of my frustration packaging :

 

 

8.   You will also need to buy the little grommet tool to hammer the grommets in.  It is a perfect size if you are a gremlin or a small troll.  It is kinda small but it does the job.

9.   I hammered the grommets directly into the fabric blanket after I learned my lesson about fraying the yarn of the blanket.  If the hole happens, sniff glue it.   Since I already had the glue, I glued the back side of every grommet hole to add extra durability.  The backside of the grommet would be hidden by the shower curtain liner anyway.  The glue is clear, so no worries there.  Safe measure never hurt anyone.  The sniffing of the glue might.

 

 

9.   Buy a clear or white shower curtain liner:

Note :  A shower stall liner is generally taller than a standard bathtub shower liner.   Look for the tall version of shower liner if you are making a shower curtain for a tall shower stall.

 The purpose of the liner is to have a waterproof layer to protect your blanket/shower curtain from any wetness.  It works like a charm.  Hang inner waterproof liner first and add the blanket shower curtain on the outer layer so they both hang together on your rod.  Essentially, a double shower curtain.  Two layers.   Double the pleasure.  Double the fun. 

 

10.   You’re almost there.  Stand tall, poof out that chest, suck in that tummy and get ready to shower yourself with gorgeousness.

 

 

11.   Clean up your act and wash that glue right outta ‘yer hair.  You should be feeling as proud as a peacock by now.

 

 

12.   Celebrate your victory over the grommets and shower yourself with the sexiness of your DIY mastery.

Celebrate that no grommets died in the making of this DIY.  Celebrate that no shower curtains were stomped on.  Celebrate that you can have a shower in peace knowing that you rocked some shower awesomeness today.

Wooooohoooooo !!!

 CONGRATS, you tiny waisted, large breasted thaaang~ YOU !!

 

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