This would make a GREAT treehouse poster !!
Before you look any further, you must really read this post Treehouse + Squirrel = TROUBLE so we can be playing with the same squirrel deck.
You should know the ‘big picture’ about our treehouse scandalmonger.
Our treehouse squirrel is a buttinsky. A mischief maker. A ruffian in the trees. He marches proudly along the porch, with nuts in his mouth, and fists full of dirt.
Dirt from my daisy pots.
Yes, he pitches that dirt…. stares at me….and flicks his tail.
Then he smiles a squirrel smile.
AND
He sings too.
” I’m the king of the Castle, and you’re the dirty rascal….tra-la-la-la-la-lahhh “
Clearly our Treehouse protector needs to be FIRED.
TIME HEALS ALL ……they say.
What the what-what-what ?!
What idiot made up that saying?
Who is ‘they‘?
I want to meet them and tell them that they are stupid.
Then punch them in the face.
With a squirrel.
What is the treehouse ruffian up to these days?
**nut throwing
**potted plant digging
** porch rail pouncing
** daisy pot disrupting
** treehouse porch marching
** wise guy prancing
** potting soil pitching
He is an all around treehouse trasher of a hellion.
He digs holes in the potted treehouse daisies and hides his nuts.
I’m not gonna lie. I want to hide his nuts too.
He stares at me with a look on his face that says ‘whaaaaaatup lady??’
Dude, throw me another one, I’m holding her camera down !!
There isn’t any room for potting soil in the daisy pots anymore.
Or daisies. They are dead.
He pee’d in them.
Mr. tough guy just THROWS the dirt all over the treehouse porch. He stands there and literally pitches it across the steps. He might be smiling when he does it.
In fact, I’m certain he can *smirk*.
We need to show him our treehouse ‘BACKSIDE’
He was misled when he was born. Someone told him he was a groundhog.
If I was his mother...when he was born….I would have named him ASS.
What I need is a treehouse whisperer. Someone who can talk to the squirrels.
In squirrel language.
I need a whisperer who can talk the language of jerk face.
How to Tame A Squirrel :
The Treehouse Whisperer
P.s.
All of the mother nature squirrel photos are from a website I stumbled on when I was goofing off working on the inter-web-universe called Buzz Feed . Very cool photos! Wait until you see the shark photo. You will never want to swim again. Just sayin’.
AND you will think I am a suck for complaining about an evil squirrel.
No, No…don’t shoot. I promise I didn’t eat your mattress.
I better get a grip {on my gun.}
Jokes jokes.
I’m going to buy a gun. I don’t own a gun.
I think I need to become a sharpshooter.
My bad.
I used my outside voice again.
Lynne,
(Okay, maybe I gave her the finger a few times too)
I KNOW exactly how you feel about that squirrel! I have a resident squirrel myself that has lived in a tree across my back fence at least 5 years which is when I first noticed the dark spot on the side of her tail, so I KNOW its her! She KNOWS better than to live in a tree on MY property cause I’d be climbing up that tree and putting a squirrel bomb in her nest. She used to skidaddel up my 3 birdfeeder poles to feast, minutes after I filled them and went back in the house. I tried rubbing Vaseline on the poles, vegetable oil and even mixed jalapeno juice IN with the vegetable first. She even watched me from the fence top each time, with a big smirk on her face, I might add. I named her ‘Gonnabee ‘Deadra’ because that’s what she’s gonna be as soon as I figure out the HOWS of it.
After two years of trying oil on the poles, I finally talked my husband (after he quit laughing) into making me some HUGE squirrel umbrella shaped guards about feet across. That finally did the trick.. 4 years later, she still hasn’t figured out a way to get over the tops of them to the feeders. TAKE THAT, GONNABEE DEADRA! HA! She still tries every time I fill the feeders though. And I just SMILE and wave to her…he he he…
But this is one vindictive b-t-h squirrel. Every time she tried climbing those poles and failed, she threw a temper tantrum and would run up one of my other poles to a hanging basket of flowers, jump in, and run around in circles stomping (gleefully) on top of all the flowers! I swear I have seen her flip me off a few times. My husband refused to make 6 more squirrel guards for those poles, so I hung birdhouses on them and threw the mangled dead flowers away. Now do you think she was going to leave those birdhouses alone? Of course not! I still hang the birdhouses out every year on those poles and almost every day you can see her up on the poles twisting those bird houses around and around. If a wren or chicadee by some miracle DOES decide to start to build a nest in one, they never return to the task after seeing Gonnabee Deadra going ballistic on their house.
And if all that is not enough to make me hate her, every year she brings around her little family of 4-5 squirrel babies to parade back and forth along the top of the fence every day. I don’ think there’s a nut tree within 1,002 miles of my house, so I don’t know who her supplier is, but she gets them SOMEWHERE (probably digs them up from where other squirrels have planted them) and brings them to my house to plant. Of course not just out in the lawn somewhere, Oh no, she has to plant them in one of my flower beds. And not just anywhere in my flower beds, but she has to dig out a flower (or chew it off) and plant the stupid nut THERE! She even has the gall to do it while I am sitting out on the deck or front porch or even if I’m standing at a window watching. Its a really good thing for her (or my fence) that I don’t have a gun. What I want to know is how long do grey squirrels live anyway? My ‘relationship’ with Gonnabee Deadra has been going on for 8 years already. She must have 50 kids by now and with my luck, probably over a hundred grandchildren. If there was such a thing as squirrel poison, I would invest in the company!!!!
Becki in Westerville, OH
Becki
That was soooo hilarious, I think I should write a blog post this summer about the treehouse squirrels and rename one of them GONNABEE DEADRA. I’ll dedicate it to you! PS. have you thought about being a blogger? You would seriously rock out loud !!!
Set one up. It is free to do. It is really not complicated once you get rolling. WordPress is number one in the world…so I would go with them. Just google http://www.wordpress.com and there are video tutorials. The whole shebang. The writing part for you will be sooooo easy. That is the most difficult part for so many people. You will rock it !!
xx
Not that you would ever, EVER do this… but I thought it would make you laugh.
What happens when a squirrel finds fermented pumpkins, then eats them.
That is soooo hilarious! We once had the same thing happen with a ‘drunk’ ground hog under our apple trees. I have never laughed so hard !
Thanks for sharing. What a hoot !!
Lynne
Haha, that’s quite a vicious sqiurrel. Whenever I watch them, I always think their brains are receiving signals from seven different sources and they can only focus on one at any given time…hence the always fidgety, indecisive behavior I’ve seen in them.I should be thankful the only sqiurrels I deal with are the grey sqiurrels we have down here in Atlanta…those red sqiurrels that live up north are freaking monsters! Like half-size cats practically.
LOL ! Karim
“Half sized cats”…too funny! Yes, you are right ! They are nutty little fellas !
Cheers !
Lynne
Ha ha what a brilliant post…cheered my day right up! Keep posting entertaining stuff like that!
Thank you !!! You just cheered me up !!! Thanks for CHEERING ME ON ! Look out for what may come out of my mouth (blog post) next. teehee. Big love, Lynne xx
Hi Lynne,
I came to your website from twitter. It’s visually pleasing. Ever thought about dong a book about Interior Design? Are you close to downtown Toronto? Best wishes to your husband.
Hi Giora
Thanks for the cheer!!! Lynne
No, I haven’t thought about doing a book on interior design,but who knows where this awesome life may lead? Maybe some day
Ok guys,I feel your pain! I lived on a creek in the woods in Indiana,Talk about squirrel’s,these guys would not leave my flower pot’s alone,and on top of that they loved the taste of my treated deck railing,I tried every thing to deter them to no avail,
they just seemed to enjoy what ever I put out to scare them away.
So I finally gave up and moved into town.
Oh no it seam’s that they got the message and some of them followed me,Now they like my flower beds and shrub beds,Oh well the fight go’s ON
Who knew that a squirrel could fall in love with deck railings too. They are not so fussy
You are in a town now? Maybe they will dig up all your neighbours beautiful flowers and plant them in your yard. Flowers, flowers, everywhere ! LOL ! Wouldn’t that be awesome?!
Lynne
Yes I do live in town now,but reluctantly,I keep an eye out for the little bugger’s but so far they are just after me.
Don
I say you lace his nuts with cayenne pepper. Too much? I have better ideas. We were down yonder in your neck of the woods this past weekend. I am about to write a post about a market in SouthHampton and an antique shop in Clifford that I couldn’t take a photo of b/c someone spilled their corn pops while I had my camera ready. omg! gold mine! You live in a pocket of wonderland of Made in Canada wood1
Laughed my ass off!
Love this post!! My favorite line was about hiding his nuts. Got my own very bold squirrel. Gave my son permission to shoot him with the nerf and/or water gun. No luck yet. He just came back for more.
I work(ed) with Michael at NF5. Tell him we miss him and send our best.
Hey Bridget !
What a brilliant idea ! I am going to buy a water gun. That actually sounds like a blast. LOL. Excuse the pun. Let me know if you son needs some water gun back up. I can bring in the big guns…the water balloons!!
P.s. Michael sends a HUGE HELLO and many hugs. xx