Lynne Knowlton

VIDEO: You CANcer vive … When life falls apart …

I don’t know where to begin.  I haven’t had the words to write this blog post for months on end.  Did you wonder where I went?  I’m so sorry that I was gone for so long.  My world came undone.  It unravelled right before my eyes.  Life can change in an instant.

My husband Michael has terminal cancer.

 

I lost my ability to write for so very long. I couldn’t find a way to say the words out loud, let alone sharing it with thousands of people.   And then the light bulb went off.

We can find the light in the darkness we call cancer.

This is our story. Click here to view it on YouTube :

We’d be honoured if you could please share this video. Share it on FacebookTwitter… anywhere.  Everywhere.  We’re so very grateful for any shares that you can do. We hope that our journey will help make a positive difference in the lives of others.  xoxoxo

Truth is, I had been wearing cement blogging boots.  I stared at the blank page.  I typed. Deleted.  Cried.

How could I find the words? How do I say that the love of my life is dying?  How do I begin to talk about what it feels like to slowly watch your life start to crumble?  How do I describe how cancer can chip away at everything and anyone you have ever loved?

There are no words for that.

 

To tell you the truth, it even felt wrong to start a blog post with ….

You-cancer-vive by Lynne Knowlton

 

Because really?

Can we survive? Can we make it through it?

Cancer doesn’t give a shit if it unravels your life.

Cancer has no mercy.

Cancer terrorizes a body, no matter what the cost and irregardless of the obstacles.

  Cancer doesn’t discriminate.

Cancer gets smarter.

Life gets shorter.  Worries get bigger.

#Cancer { video } : When life falls apart ...

I hate cancer.

 

Please note: this blog post is sad and a complete departure from what I normally write. Please… if it is too much for you, come back another time for fun and inspiring blog posts. I’ll understand. xo

I suppose it’s only natural to stick cancer conversations inside a jar and open the lid for a fleeting moment.   Like it isn’t there.  We ignore it.  Until we can’t.

 Cancer translation LOL !! Read more on http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

 

Cancer causes us to re-evaluate our world.  It makes us think about a lot of things.  Deep meaningful things.  Life.  Legacy.  Scary as shit things.  Hospitals.  Chemotherapy.

There was a time when I had a beautiful appreciation of chemotherapy.  Sounds weird, right?  It’s true.  Chemotherapy saved Michael’s life a few years ago.  You may remember it from these blog posts.  I’ll be eternally grateful for how chemo literally brought him back from the brink of death.

 

Our chemo choice wasn’t a choice this time.

Chemo won’t save his life. 

You better sit yourself down.

 

 Living a life with cancer http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

what happened

Michael was diagnosed 9 years ago with a one in a million cancer.  His cancer journey has been both on and off chemotherapy.  Chemo truly worked for a very long time.

Until it didn’t.

Recently, his lymphoma has metastasized into an even rarer cancer… a scarier than shit cancer… called leptomeningeal metastasis.

 

As if one-in-a-million wasn’t enough.  Bloody hell.

Michaels lymphoma has now moved into his central nervous system.  You know that place in the core of your body, where pretty much everything functions from?  That place.  If your body were a car, this would be your engine. It has metastasized into his cerebral spinal fluid, his spinal root nerves and on his brain.

His brain.

 

It’s a poor prognosis. Most patients live up to 10 months with this kind of cancer.  It makes me cry just to type the words.  I know I still haven’t accepted it.  Not sure that I ever will.

 

Is chemotherapy on cancer like a bandaid on a bullet wound?

 

Michael had chemo once a week for 7 weeks.  The chemotherapy was injected directly into his cerebral spinal fluid.  He had IV chemo in addition to the weekly intrathecal chemo. His treatment course was weekly chemo, plus chemo for 3 days straight, possibly moving up to 5 days of treatment per month.  The 5 day chemo regime would have been so intense, he would’ve needed to be admitted into the hospital for a week of close monitoring.  That would have meant chemo weekly and for 5 days straight, every month.  He would have been on antibiotics for the rest of his life.

Did you notice how how many times I said chemo in there?

Too many.

 

Next, Michael was scheduled to have brain surgery to insert an Ommaya reservoir. The purpose of the reservoir is to put a ‘catheter’ into the brain cavity so that they could inject chemo directly into his brain//cerebral spinal fluid every week.  Why? Because his lumbar punctures were difficult and painful procedures to endure and they got harder week after week.

 

 

Chemotherapy and cancer http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/   You CANcer vive. You got this. Read more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE

 

 

We researched treatment options and nothing was a walk in the park.  Nothing was a cure.  There was no proof that treatment would make a huge impact in Michaels life span.

 

You CANcer vive http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

 

We made a decision.

we hit the pause button

We decided to pause all chemotherapy treatments.

Quality over quantity.

I hate those words.  I get those words.

Making these kinds of decisions test you right to the core of your being.  It shakes your belief system. It truly makes you think about every thing and by everything,  I mean everything.

Last week, we went on a road trip.  We played cards.  Looked at the water.  We didn’t think about tomorrow.  We thought about today. 

 

When your life falls apart because of cancer http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/ Please join us in our journey against cancer http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/ Design the Life you want to Live

what now

 

We don’t know the answer to that question just yet.

Originally, when we sat in the hospital and listened to the Doctors words, shock superseded reality. How could we grasp the gravity of a terminal diagnosis?  I’m not sure we ever will.

My heart and my mind will never accept it.  How can it?  How can you accept that the love of your life will die?  It’s unfathomable. Michael is only 55 years old.  He is my soulmate. My everything.

It’s the little things.  The way he holds my hand.  How he looks at me.  How he has loved me so very much for 20 years.   He truly is one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever known. He’s so easy to love.  I never want it to end.   I can’t imagine what life would be like without him.

Will I ever be enough for my children?  I can’t possibly be.

Like a cheating lover, I sometimes steal moments away and quietly call my friends and family.  Talking about it helps.  Sort of.  Often times, I can’t even grasp the gravity of words that come out of my own mouth.  I feel like I’m standing in someone else’s body. Surely, this must be someone else’s problem.

How can it be real?  How can life unravel right before your eyes?

our children

Lynne Knowlton family YOU CANCER VIVE http://www.lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

 

I swear, the heartbreak is palpable for our children.  How can children possibly grasp that they will lose their beautiful sweet Dad?  It’s not fair.  What about their weddings? What about him being a Grandaddy to their kids?  How will they live without ever seeing him again?

 

He’s their foundation.

Their rock.

Their everything.

 

How can we even begin to help them through the saddening journey of slowly saying goodbye?  Is there even a way?   There are no roadmaps for that.  There is no easy way.  There are no answers.  No quick fixes.

 

 

Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton

Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton

 

Selfishly, I worry that my life will be over.  Just like that.

Everything I have ever known and loved with Michael will be abruptly gone.

I worry that I will have plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with. I’m overwhelmed by the thought of the loneliness that I’ll feel.  Our home, our lives, our everything will be left with a giant hole.  The most important part of the puzzle will be missing.  Broken.  Impossible to put back together.  Forever changed.

 

When life falls apart. You CANcer vive by Lynne Knowlton       When life falls apart. You CANcer vive by Lynne Knowlton

 

How can I trust that everything will be okay?

 

I’ve tried to rage my battles against cancer.  I’ve tried to win this war.  I’ve tried to save my loved ones in their cancer journey.  While we have made the best of the journey, cancer still took them.  Cancer is such an asshole. It makes me feel hopeless sometimes. I’m tired.

 

I want to feel like I’m one fierce lady.  Like I’m grace under fire.  Like I got this.  I don’t.

 

 

As much as I hate to say it, I know that I’m mourning the loss of future memories.

Mostly, we could all do without the change.  There are gentler ways to learn about life. We have always been thankful for good days and bad days, just as long as we kept having days. That was good enough for us.

We all know that life is worth it. We all know we should be fighting for our dreams. We all know that anything is possible.   Right now, I’m in such deep overwhelm, I can’t imagine that anything is possible.  We need a miracle.

Yes we have hope. Yes we live our lives healthy, full of love, surrounded by fresh air and clean living.  Yes, we will never ever give up.  Yes, we have a positive attitude, every single day.   Except maybe today, when I am scared shitless. xo  Will all of that be enough?

Michael doesn’t have a bucket list, but his fucket list is a mile long.

We just want to travel, spend time with friends & family and love on them.  Love on them hard.

We are…making memories

As for the blog… as strange as this may sound.. it will continue.   I don’t want to let it go. My blog has always been a mix of life, love and laughs mixed with DIY and design… and this will be no exception.

Cancer is not going to hold the keys to our kingdom.

 

We are going to continue to live life large and share it with you.

 

When life falls apart. You CANcer vive by Lynne Knowlton    When life falls apart. You CANcer vive by Lynne Knowlton

 

I’ll continue to share my real life stories,  projects, inspired design spaces, DIY’s and home ideas …because this blog is therapy for me (and maybe you too?)

Maybe, in some small way, this can teach all of us how to behave in the face of sheer terror and uncertainty.

 

PSS.  I love you.  That is all.

 

subscribe to design the life you want to live

Together, we got this.

Keep shining your love light,

Lynne Knowlton Design the Life You Want to Live

Video edited & created by Jessica Allossery from The Lovely Indie xo <– I love that gal.

 

 

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186 Responses

  1. annie kip says:

    wow, Lynne. my heart just aches for you. I admire your decision and can only guess at how difficult it must be to enjoy the days and know they are numbered. my good thoughts, loving energy, and warm vibes are with you and your family.

  2. So sorry for all of you. You put your thoughts into words so beautifully. I wish there was anything I could do or say to make it better, but I know there is nothing to take away your grief. Sending hugs and love your way!

  3. Jodi says:

    Hi Lynne,
    I write this in shock and sadness but the beauty and love you exude help to calm my emotions. I have developed a respect for your work over the last 2 years specifically and from time to time, would go on Airbnb and admire your spaces and love for you work and family.. Living also in Ontario and visiting the Georgian Bay Area, driving through Durham, on many occasions yearly, have allowed me to feel connected to your space. Needless to say, when I went on Airbnb this evening to see if perhaps there was an opening for the airstream or treehouse, I was concerned with it being gone and it was no longer listed in my saved places. When I went to your website, I was instantly overwhelmed with sadness and shock… That being said, you are a beautiful soul and Michaels helped in creating that as you have helped in creating his. Not one thing will take away this pain but you will find subtleties that assist in the process.
    I’m 33 and my dad passed away at 54, 4 years ago. Truly believing that you will reunite one day and living day to day with believing your loved one doesn’t want you to be sad but rather live in the moment and love your present and welcome the future. If they see you sad, they will feel sad, and we don’t want anyone to be more sad than they already are. The mourning is unthinkable and emotions are so deep and heavy- almost too much… Accept all emotions you are going through.
    Cherish your days and promise each other you will live and ‘do’ daily as proud as you can until the day you meet again.

    I wish you nothing but love and strength. I felt compelled to leave you with my thoughts. Sending you soooo much strength and positivity.

  4. Lucy Ann says:

    Lynne,

    My heart breaks for you and your family! We do not know each other,yet if we did…I would come over and hug you, sit with you, cry with you, pray with you! May the God of all comfort fill you with His peace as you walk this journey. May You be strengthened by the love of your family and those whom you may not even know who will embrace you as you hike this seemingly unsurmountable mountain. May you find hope in the midst of your pain.

    My words may seem to fall short of what you need right now so I leave you with hope from God’s word:
    Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” My heart sends you love!

    Believing for a Miracle with you!!!
    Lucy Ann

  5. Susan Wakefield says:

    Dear Lynne

    You share love and you have a big love for your husband and family Have faith in that love and it will give you the strength you need. I had the pleasure of meeting one of your lovely daughters a day or two ago. She was heading back to school, embracing life and moving forward in the face of things without mention of the enormity of the challenge the family is facing. From my brief encounter you and your husband should be proud.

  6. Tom enright says:

    YOUR COURAGE IS NOW MY INSPIRATION. All my love and thoughts are with you Mike and your beautiful family…. Mr. E

  7. Sue says:

    Oh, Lynne….what a beautiful video and post. I physically feel The Pain. The Helplessness. The Despair. But more importantly….I feel The Love. The Grace. The Gratitude. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and difficult. I hope you know you and Michael have changed lives for the better.

    Much love, prayers, and good vibes. XO

  8. Melissa Krouse says:

    Just watched your video and read the post. Cancer has taken many people that I love – my mum was the hardest. She was 52, full of energy and life. A close friend said to me once that it wasn’t that she couldn’t believe that my mum had died of cancer – it was that anything could kill her. She was my best friend and the loss devastating. For the last 3 months of her life she was in hospital….we spent every day talking, laughing and crying; holding on to what we could. It was then that we shared all those things we had never found the time to talk about…our biggest regrets, our hopes for the future, the few secrets we kept from one another and our fears. It is time that I am incredibly grateful for. I have never once thought “I wish I had told her…..” cause we said it all. Your post made me bawl for the first time in a long time. You knowlton’s are a graceful bunch. Much love and thank you for sharing,
    Melissa

  9. Pete Walker says:

    I’m not often speechless, but I apparently am now.

    You guys are seriously wise in the best sense of the word.

    Mind how you go, and go well.

    Redundant advice, because you’re already doing that…but…

    Yeah, let’s just go with speechless.

  10. What a story. My husband is 55 years old. This really shook me. Your children will be there for you. God will too. I don’t know what else to say, except that I read this. I acknowledge your very sad journey. (You have the same cabinet pulls and faucet I have in my kitchen. I saw that and felt a moment of knowing you. Then I read your story. I will keep you in my prayers, even though that sounds so cheap right now. Accept my blogging friendship. I can give that.

  11. Joan says:

    Such a powerful video and message – thank you for sharing both and doing so with such grace. Sending love and healing thoughts and prayers to you and your family as you find your way through this.

  12. My SINCEREST PRAYERS for God to hold you in his loving arms and give you ALL strength and courage. The video is an inspiration and what a BEAUTIFUL explanation of the word “GRATITUDE” what a BLESSING..
    I went to Google “Searching” for an AUTHENTICITY cover for my Facebook page. Let me tell you this… I BeLieVe God places people and signs in your life at just the right time and today I want to SHARE with you the signs…
    1. Looking for a post about AUTHENTICITY for encouragement and found your “be fearlessly authentic.”
    2. Giving credit I DID NOT edit your web address out of the picture although it doesn’t show in the cover.
    3. Going to your web address and reading about your husbands and family journey made me both sad and thankful at the same time. Sad for the Cancer but Thankful for the LOVE SHARED in life.
    4. Today is a my friends 1st birthday following the passing of her Soul Mate / Husband / Best Friend who was taken far too soon because of colon cancer. Timing puts ALL things into perspective.
    5. Gratitude for the strength and BEAUTIFULLY written words in this Blog to be SHARED with others.
    Truly Inspirational, Thank You and your family will be in my prayers. <3 I BeLieVe in Miracles
    P.S. Hear my "Heart" and also my Hope and Authenticity… for the future for you and your family.

    • Oh my goodness, Jackie… I’m speechless. Your words. Beautiful. I am hearing your heart and grateful for the hope, the authenticity, the love.

      Sending so much love, right back at you.

      Lynne xx

      • Lynne,
        My P.S. was written after much deliberation of SHARING my Web address. Thus the “hear my heart..” I did not want it to appear as anything but the HOPE that was SHARED with me by a pharmacist friend during my very dark time and I want to SHARE with others and I ALWAYS Pray… What IF?
        The products are simple and IF they are approved by his physician to use just the energy and “feel” good could be a way to help make each and everyday more bearable. PDF’s are available for ingredients. If I can help you in anyway please do not hesitate to “Reach Out.” My heart is filled to overflowing and helping other people is what keeps it filled up. Blessings to ALL of you.

  13. Crystal says:

    So sorry.

  14. Liz says:

    What a heart-wrenching post. It IS the time for making memories. This is what you need, what your children need. Prayers for your family—for hope, for strength, for miracles. xoxo

  15. Todd Starr says:

    Praying one day someone will find a cure! This is one of the Greatest Videos I have ever watched! I have had several Brushes w Cancer, I wish I could Help somehow, some way. I tell my wife about Paul Mccartney, a Billionaire who loved his wife, but he could not save her from this Dreaded disease. Marijuana kept my Grandfather alive and extra year or year and a Half, when I was 10-yrs old,. I remember my mom crying when. they gave him only 3-months to live because he would not eat and then they suggested marijuana and they said ok lets try it, he began to eat. **** I wish great Families, like yours, did not have to suffer through this. I pray for you all, Pray for a Miracle, Pray for Patience and pray that if anything, you can have as much happiness as possible even if its for a shorter time! We all Have an end date, every day is one less day for all of us, unless some one can cure & stop the aging process, I would rather see this disease cured 1st! I am not a “know it all” but i know Michael is a great Loving and caring man and has a great loving and caring family! Peace be with you all! and F Cancer

    • I agree, Todd. When I read about people who try this and try that to cure cancer, I think.. really?… because if it worked, the billionaires of the world would surely have done it. Maybe that is cynical. Maybe it is real, but I feel like we are on the same page. xx

      Happiness is a beautiful thing. Medicinal marijuana is too. LOL.

      Peace be with you too and F* cancer.

      Big love, big big big love,
      Lynne xx

  16. Bob Stuart says:

    Hi, I watched the video today and read this post. Right now all I have to say is I’m sending thoughts of love and strength your way. I wish it was more. Bob

  17. ESR (cancer survivor) says:

    Amazing video.
    Thanks so much for sharing yourselves and your family.
    You are 100% correct in your message – and you are never alone.
    F**k cancer. Live life.
    Rock on!

  18. Carolyn says:

    Lynne, my husband also has cancer that cannot be cured. I share your fears and and feelings of uncertainty, strength, powerlessness, wonder, rage, awe and every other emotion known to mankind. He is 64 and we’ve been together since I was 16! We are strong, creative, talented women who will hold everything together because we can and because we must. Because our family and our husbands deserve it and I truly feel I was put on this earth for this purpose. I can’t fall apart because I can’t Whatever time left has to be real and meaningful, full of laughter and love. We can do it.

  19. Lisa says:

    Lynne,

    This is the first time I have visited your website. I saw it on a link my friend had posted on Facebook. Your post says exactly what I have been feeling in the last year, as my fiance has terminal cancer as well. It really is unfair and I completely agree: cancer sucks. Please know that you are not alone in this difficult journey. My thoughts are with you and your family <3

  20. Carol says:

    Sweet heart, thank you for starting Design the life you want to live. You give the world yourself so naturally and comfortably the person you are it makes life just that more enjoyable. If we lived near each other we would be good friends. Your posts have me run to the kettle and make that cup of tea, as if you had just knocked on my door. I will always have time for you and always have patience for your next post. You can do this Lynne. Yes you can. X

  21. Denise says:

    Lynne…you are an amazing writer and woman. I’m am crying as I read this, and yet inspired by your words and your courage. I am so proud to call you my friend. I want to continue this journey with you. I know we may Not have been the closest, but I want you to know, that I am here for you anytime you need anything. Micheal is the lucky one, to have such an amazing friend by his side during this journey, this test and this experience. . I’m sure he couldn’t do this with out you. You are his rock, his pillar and his crutch. Keep your positive, loving spirit alive and the miracle will happen…..
    Love ya, miss ya touch base anytime

  22. Glenda Whittaker says:

    Lynne and Michael you are such an amazing couple, so inspirational and I hate that this is happening to your family. It’s not fair I totally agree. This blog was so very hard to get through, many tears are flowing,, your heart and soul are pouring out in pain and I can’t stop feeling the love, I know your love will sustain you. All my love always and many many hugs, Glenda

  23. Elizabeth Motsch says:

    DearLynn, you write with such honesty of your deep pain and I feel it. So wish I could lighten all of your load. Michael has such a wonderful positive outlook and takes life a day at a time. None of us know what the future holds in store so live each day to the fullest. Bless you.

  24. Lisa says:

    ~ again ~ no words. so much of it resonates. wonderful posts, both blog & video. by incredible, positive, beautiful & giving people. it will truly help others. thank you for sharing.

    I hope you will share some of the fucket ‘ list.

    sending love to you & your family ! 💖

  25. Barbie Knoop says:

    Lynne and Michael…..What a well written and thought out blog post. My heart is so touched by your attitude, and my prayers will be with you all during this time. May God bless your family and be close as ever. I was wondering how things were going. Love and hugs to you all!

  26. kelly says:

    Lynn and Michael
    I was worried that this was where you had disappeared to. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. I shall send all good thoughts and energy to you. Miracles do happen, but I love the fact that while you are waiting for one and fighting the fight you are living to the fullest and making memories. That’s all we leave is love and memories. Thank you for the video. I shall save it and watch it whenever I feel the tiniest bit sorry for myself. You guys are amazing.
    Lots of love.
    K

  27. heather reid says:

    so you got this girlfriend, because you have this covered your miracle is just that – I hope that makes sense, you are taking this thing and changing it for you and your family first and now sharing it with others how generous you all are – you are getting into the Gates of St Peter – with a big FREE PASS, that’s a Catholic thing…….. Gates of St Peter – the gates to heaven, – people with big hearts get the big free pass
    I feel your Fear I wish I could take it away, love you all , sending big LOVE, you got this

  28. Sherry Loates says:

    Much love to you and your beautiful family Lynne. Hugs.
    Sherry

  29. Jim McManus says:

    Please don’t ever stop blogging., unlike other blogs I occasionally read where the writer has their head up their mighty self important ass!
    You share with us a subject that is horrible and very personal, written with complete honesty and compassion showing the strength that you have and the most amazing relationship and family.

  30. TRACEY ALLAN says:

    WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH 111111 YOUR LIFE TOGETHER IS SUCH A RARE AND BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY. YOUR HOME FILLED WITH SO MUCH LOVE FOR EACH OTHER, AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN . YOU GIVE 100% OF YOUR KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY TO EVERYONE YOU HAVE KNOWN.. THIS WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE OF THE KNOWLTON’S. SO BLESSED TO BE PART OF YOUR FAMILY. ALWAYS IN OUR HEART! LOVE YOU KNOWLTON FAMILY XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

    • Awwhhhhh Tracey,

      Thank you for saying so! To my blogging pals, Tracey has been my friend for 40 years!!! How’d that happen? 40 years just flew by! We have had a lot of big fat laughs in there!!!!

      Thanks Trace…. for your big heart, your never ending caring and for always being there for us. We love you right back.

      xoxoxo

  31. Julie martyn says:

    Can’t imagine the pain and terror you are feeling and yet being brave enough to share. Thank you for m

    aking us all take a moment to appreciate the every day normal that we all take for granted. Xo

  32. Yola Rabe says:

    Your latest blog about one of life’s biggest hurdles is simply WONDERFUL! You are wonderful to write it down…to face your fears, worries about the future, your children, the aloneness. .That’s greatness! You are not alone but being greatly overwhelmed, it may feel that way. I live on the other side of the world, New Zealand and totally get your story, through experience. Just know that you are greatly loved and you will get through this! God said so x.

  33. Kathy Horton says:

    Lynne,
    Thank you for sharing your story, difficult as it is. What an amazing husband you have! I was diagnosed with Waldenstrom’s in 2008 and am currently in remission. Your story reinforces my need to find a way to do the things on my “bucket list” during periods of wellness. The feeling is one of urgency because one does not know when a somewhat benign cancer can transform into a terminal one. Wishing you and your family strength.

  34. Nikki Longworth says:

    Oh Lynne. Am sending you love and support in this email. You have been so wonderfully open in your blogs and this one is no exception. It is good to share your humanity; we all benefit from it. We are crying with you. Take whatever time you need and we will be out here waiting for you when you are ready to blog on.

  35. Shelley says:

    Lynne,

    I am so sorry to hear your news. I started following your blog when my son was diagnosed with lymphoma 7 years ago at 19. Today he remains healthy and I am forever grateful for that. When I read this post, I shed many tears. I am sending you much love, strength and hugs. And I totally agree cancer is a horrible thing.

    Shelley

  36. Shelley says:

    Lynne,

    I am so sorry to hear this. I first found your blog when my son was diagnosed with lymphoma at 19 and 7 years later he is cancer-free. You have no idea how many tears I shed with your news. I am so very sorry and send you much love, strength and hugs.

    Shelley

  37. Krista MacLaren says:

    Love. Friendship. Hugs. Sun. Rain. Memories. Energy. Trees. Deep roots. Light. Love. Power. Prayer. Xo ❤️

  38. lor says:

    First of your blog posts I’ve read. So sorry and so sad to hear of your family’s news. Can’t begin to imagine your level of heartbreak. But I hope and pray for the tiny chance that they’re wrong, that your Michael may have more time because doctors don’t know everything and miracles DO happen. Hoping and praying for moments of joy in amongst everything that’s happening. <3

  39. Anne says:

    Feeling all kinds of thoughts and emotions for you and Michael and your beautiful kids…..first of all you were so lucky to have met each other. When you met Michael and made yourself a bigger, better, beautiful family, Michael has survived so much so far and I am hoping that he will beat all odds and do it for as long as possible with style and grace …..I know that Cancer sucks ….but so does Chemo and I completely understand the decision to stop and let life play out. Thinking about you. all. xo

  40. Gail says:

    Just where do I begin….I believe,,,,,,,, I believe,,,,,,,, I believe I love you so much…always with you and wIll always be……love you both. Aunt Gail xxxx.

  41. Janice says:

    I am so very sorry to hear this Lynne. I’ve lost my Mom, my best girlfriend, and then waged my own battle a few years ago. Cancer IS a bitch, and it doesn’t give two shits about the devastation it leaves in its wake.

    Make your memories, live each day to the fullest, and be fully present in each and every moment. That’s the only advice I have.
    Every single day is a gift.
    Big love to you and Michael and your entire family.

  42. Angela Sanchez says:

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful video and your thoughts as you go through this. I have been praying daily for Michael, along with my husband and all of my other friends and family members who have cancer. Watching this video was a bit of an epiphany for me. My husband has had chemo for over two years and will continue through next January or February. I know now that, after the chemo ends, it will never be over for us as we’ll be waiting for a recurrence or for someone else – maybe me – to be diagnosed. But you’ve shown me there’s a serenity in acceptance and to continue living in love and gratitude, not letting cancer, or any other “life of misfortune” change who we are inside. Michael, you and your family will be in my continued thoughts and prayers. XOXO

  43. Veea'ne says:

    Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking life journey Michael , you and your family have been chosen to take . I want so badly to hold you all in my arms and make this shit-fest of terror and uncertainty go away . You are all in my prayers .

    Bunches of Love and Hugs !

  44. Lynda says:

    with tears, thank you for sharing. my husband was recently diagnosed w Multiple Myeloma… treatable but incurable cancer. such a period of loss and change. your comment that you are missing your future memories is so how i feel… i know the future will be bleak..not if but when..so yes, celebrate the day..whether good or bad..it is what you have. i will walk this journey with you. part of my therapy is to redo our house..beach-i-fy….go down the white path and search the corners of the shops for finds to repurpose. to simplify and brighten and renew. you are my inspiration in so many ways. i am glad i found you and you have reconnected with us. much love to you and your family and prayers for your loving husband. xo

    • So so so sooooo very sweet of you to say, Lynda…

      I’m happy to reconnect too. It feels like forever since I shared what was truly going on ( so deeply in my life).

      Multiple Myeloma is a kissing cousin to what my hubby has. I sure wish that we lived right next door to each other. I’d hold your hand. I really would.

      Sending you love, and so much brightness ( even if it is a white refresh xo)

      Lynne xx

      • lynda says:

        Lynne, thx for sending me your note. I have just finished reading many posts from your admirers and I am learning that you have created a huge circle of loving hearts that are surrounding you and your family, especially at this time. I think I saw that you are renting your tree house. We are renting our California “golf house”. I feel overwhelmed by all the change and uncertainty of life now that Dis-Ease has overtaken my hubby’s body. I know that you are getting a lot of information regarding alternative treatments. I have watched and read as well. I do buy BioK for hubby as it has billions of good bacteria for the gut and really helps with the immune system..Original..no flavors! and it is available in health food and some grocers in the refrigeration section. I read that 90% of the immune system is in the gut and all that chemo etc. affects everything.. Anyway… sorry to give unsolicited “advice”..just passing on as I have suffered migraines all my life and decided a few years ago to take charge of the situation and treat the cause rather than the symptoms and this was something that I found that I have stuck with for many years. Perhaps you have already heard of it. Hugs to you and your lovely family and beloved husband. He really seems like a gem and has been a gift to you… one that you clearly deserve… xoLynda

  45. Deb Watts says:

    So beautifully written. Hugs, love and healing energy to you, your husband and your family.

  46. Gigi Edross says:

    Such an amazing story and you are one hell of an amazing strong woman, thank you for sharing your story and making us aware of the ravaging of lives that cancer rips apart. I wish you all the strength, patience but most of all take good to yourself no matter how high the mountain becomes (I know easier said than done). I remember a verse my mom repeated over and over after my dad died …………….. “It is better to love and lost, than never to have loved at all” Please take good care of yourself.!.

  47. Leigh says:

    Lynne,
    I was wondering where you had gone. I’m almost sorry I found you. The grace and love your Michael embodies….I shall carry it with me daily. As a tribute to him but also as a reminder that anything can happen, any day, any time.

    We don’t know each other, we will probably never meet, but you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Big love. ❤️

  48. Andrea says:

    As I read this I could see your tears all over it, so very sorry for the pain you & your family must be going thru.
    Your post will help so many people Lynne, my sister has just started on the same journey as you, her husbands cancer has come back as well, I read what you were feeling & thought this will be exactly what she would be going thru as well, that loss and intensity of feeling starts way before and for those close, we need to give them all the strengthen & support that we can. My love goes out o you & your family Lynne 💕💕

  49. Linda says:

    I have many words, just like the beautiful ones in the previous comments, and I have no words…………………… I can’t even imagine how this feels, but I shall pray for you and your wonderful soul mate/love of your life, Michael, and your beautiful family. 😘🙏🏻

  50. Tara says:

    Love you, Lynne. You will have the strength you need. You already do. So live in the moment, and let others shoulder the burden with you. I’ve been saying prayers and will continue because, well, it helps me and it might help you. Love you all. xoxo

  51. Gillian Delledonne says:

    The courage you two share is amazing and so is the love….
    Keep making the memories, cancer can’t take those!

  52. Dawn Lai says:

    Dear Lynne and Michael,

    Your pain must be so great that I can’t even imagine. BUT, never, never, never give up. Ask everyone to pray for you. Only God can make the impossible, possible. Also, there is a healing facility just over the Mexican border, called Sanoviv Medical Institute | Providing Alternative Holistic Integrative Health care,
    http://www.sanoviv.com. I urge you to go and I’ll keep you all in my prayers.

  53. Rhonda MacDonald says:

    What a beautiful video Lynne and Michael. Enjoy life, spread love, and accept love. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow. We ALL need to be reminded to embrace today–as well as the people we love! Let me know if you are up for a slightly farther road trip than you just completed…although, your house is so beautiful, you probably don’t want to leave it, even for a day! Best Wishes and Blessings.

  54. Lisa says:

    This was so powerful., thank-you for sharing.
    . Michael is so full of positive energy-I hope he finds comfort in knowing he’s providing inspiration to others. XoX

  55. Lisa Thomson says:

    I’m so sorry, Lynne. I can’t even…no words. LOVE all you can now. Love hard. Thinking of you all and sending hugs to you.

  56. Linda says:

    Hi Lynne,
    I’m so sorry to hear about what Michael and your family are going through. My mother went through chemotherapy and it wasn’t the answer we hoped, either.
    However, there truly is HOPE, other than “traditional” medicine. I just finished watching all 9 episodes of The Truth About Cancer.com. and wish we’d known some of this before.
    Information gives us ability to make wiser choices, and God gives us HOPE!
    God Bless you and your family,
    Linda

  57. Susan Leblang says:

    I am in year 41/2 since cancer took my Larry.
    What I can tell you is this-
    You don’t get over it, you get passed it kind of…. And in your own way.
    It is true about not doing anything drastic the first year, I could not
    Believe it could be true, I counted the days, the weeks, the minutes, the seconds
    And I do not Remember much of anything except feeling lost that first year.
    Sure enough, 1st anniversary, I breathed, not well, but each day I looked for something
    Positive to get me thru.
    Now 4 ½ years have passed, the change is that the pain softens a little more around the edges
    Often there is a sharp jolt, a song, a picture, a wish, a want…. And that too passes.
    This is a card I bought long ago, it helps me every day…
    Native American saying..
    Perhaps those are not stars in the sky, but our loved ones looking down on us.
    Each night, I go out and look up, and have a conversation with the sky…. The stars are always
    There even if we can not see them.
    I will be sending my heartfelt thoughts to both of you..

  58. Sandra says:

    Hi guys,

    Your story is extremely sad but inspirational. Just putting it out there but I have met a few people who have healed themselves naturally from cancer through diet and other forms of remedies. I have also heard of a clinic in Mexico that heals cancer through natural remedies. You probably already know all this but sometimes it takes for it to be said to you the 101th time before you think “why not?”. Just throwing it out there! The worst things in life can be the best things if we take a look at what change you can bring to yourself and the world by going through this! You are braver and wiser than you might believe to be right now!. Just know already you have started something big with sharing your story. Feeling grateful for watching your video and hopeful that you will kick cancer in the butt!!
    Sending you love, hope and gratitude all the way from Australia.
    Love,
    Sandra

  59. Ruth Vallejos says:

    Lynne & Family –
    The guts to hit the pause button… wow. That’s more courage than I might be able to muster in the same circumstance. Still – why endure pain for little or no gain? The practice of medicine doesn’t get that sometimes.

    So now, enjoy the gain. Every little moment, every sweet word, food and wine, kids and pets. The house. Sleeping in bed. Stars at night. Rain on the lake. It’s all so good.

    Hugs to you all. Ruth

  60. Jane says:

    So many positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family. You are amazing Lynne, to even try and articulate what most can’t even think about. You have a beautiful family.

  61. Stephanie Holder says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m a mess just reading this as it brings back hard memories but I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. You and your family are incredible and Michael, well he’s an inspiration. His video has made me realise I need to be more grateful for the wonderful people in my life and never take anything for granted. I can’t thank you guys enough for sharing such a difficult and emotional journey. Your story will bless and inspire people to do and be better. Love to all of you Xxx Stephanie, London UK

  62. What can I say? I’m a complete stranger to you but I am sending you my love and support, such as I can be from a stranger who you’ve never met and who hasn’t (yet) had to go through what you are. I admire you enormously for having the courage to write about it all. Stephanie xx

  63. Brandice Raschle says:

    It is great seeing the inspiration and spirit in Michael and the whole family. So many families are affected by cancer and no matter how you are connected its a struggle for everyone involved. I met Michael last weekend which was the weekend of my wedding, he was so friendly. Shortly after speaking I realized I went to school with Shelby and Tristan years ago. You have a great family and i wish you all the best. The passion your family shares and the love you guys have is an inspiration for a lot of people. My heart goes out to you and your whole family.

  64. Trudi Stevenson says:

    A rock for your man, a mountain for your babies and an inspiration for your readers. Love to you Lynne and make every minute count – stay strong xx

    Trudi
    Uk

  65. Lisa Mills says:

    Fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry for all of this. Thank you for sharing. You don’t have to be fierce or graceful all of the time or even some of the time. It’s often just too hard. That being said, you’re attitude is amazing and your desire to make memories now is truly inspiring. Peace and blessings, Girlie.
    Lisa
    Hobbit House,
    Southampton, ON

  66. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    I am so so sorry Lynne, Michael & kids….I would say to you to love one another with all of your hearts…but I know that you already do…Hugs

  67. Stacey says:

    You and your family are truly amazing! I’m way too choked to write more, but Thank you for sharing. I have shared your video on my Facebook page.

  68. Liberty says:

    Much love to you and yours. What blessings surround you! Such love, such a wonderful family. your story gives me pause to count my own blessings.

  69. Judi Burnes says:

    God hasn’t invented the words to tell you how heart broken I am with this news, and words from someone you don’t know or even know existed, are almost unsaid. But you have provided me with so many giggles, so many incredible ideas and so many times I said, “when I grow up, I want to be like Lynne Knowles. Michael is a beautiful man, a more beautiful soul and one this world isn’t worthy of and one who will make heaven better by being there. God bless you and your beautiful children during this time and I wish you “Peace of God that passeth all understanding”.

    Love & prayers

    Judi Burnes

  70. tucsonPatty says:

    Lynn, this breaks my heart for you and your kids. I am so sorry. I’ve loved reading about the awesome man, husband, and father that is your Michael. We all are thinking healing thoughts for all of you.OXO

  71. Denise says:

    I am so very sorry to read this. Your husband seems like such a wonderful guy that I want for a friend. After reading Ann Voscamps book 3 years ago I have been on the road of gratitude.. Writing thanks down has changed my life. I honestly know I would have a hard time finding gratitude in your journey but I think as you walk it out there will always be times that you see it. All I can offer is prayer and I will for all of you..

  72. Sandra says:

    My heart aches for you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers everyday. Love to all.

  73. Laura says:

    Positive vibes your way. My little brother had ocular melanoma 10 years ago. The doctors said he was good to go, but two years ago, it metastasized to his liver and is terminal. He decided against chemo and the 3-6 month life expectancy diagnosis and has been doing gerson therapy since. He was labeled as terminal back in April 2014 at 34 years old. The cancer is still in his liver, but he is still positive and fighting. It’s an alternative treatment, but may be worth looking into. Hugs your way!

  74. Cecilia Nelson ("Ceci") says:

    Lynne, I hear you! My thoughts and prayers are with you, Michael and your dear family. I have the same fears and anger … I have Waldenstrom’s, too (dx April 2010 at age 54, 19 mos of chemo, now on ibrutinib at low dose due to debilitating neuropathy, considering restarting chemo soon, has not metastasized). Michael & I did nothing to get WM and we can’t get rid of it. I am pissed off, too. It has been years of fighting to stay positive, and sometimes we just have to express our rage … cry, scream, rant, repeat. Then positivity can come back in – for a while – hey, we are human and dealing with this as only we can. The uninvited, heinous intruder is always lurking & attempting to take away everything. But it will NEVER take away the love that is within us and which we will take with us when this part of the journey transitions to the next (yes, I believe we have a soul that continues forever … I don’t understand it, can’t prove it [that’s why it is called “faith”], and no one can disprove it!). So, I’m sending virtual hugs your way and lots of prayers for whatever you need to get you, Michael & your family through the tough times. And may you have many joyous moments to come as well. In my mind, you have already conquered the intruder because you have boundless LOVE for one another! May peace be with you all. Please pray for me and my family, too.

  75. Alyson says:

    Oh my. I’m sorry. I know you will hear these words a thousand times. I’m sure thousands of people will have a “cancer” story to tell you. Nothing will take away the pain. But one day you will be able to smile or laugh when something reminds you of him. I too have a “cancer” story. My sister died from lymphoma at 38 leaving 3 children. My father passed away 2 weeks ago from primary liver cancer. The pain is palpable, but the love, the spirit, and the feeling that they have never really left me lingers. Tell Michael to complete his fuck it list and manage to enjoy the rest of his journey in love.

  76. Mysty says:

    P.S. Also check out German New Medicine which explains cancer in a completely different way.

    http://www.germannewmedicine.ca

  77. Mysty says:

    So glad you said NO to more invasive treatment and chemotherapy. The chemo didn’t give him his life or extend it……his BELIEF did. Even this can be beaten. But not with mainstream medicine.
    http://www.thetruthaboutcancer.com

    Listen to what Dr. Joe Dispenza has to say. He is on the leading edge of neuroscience, quantum physics, epigenetics etc. He has a gift for making difficult things easy to understand.
    http://www.drjoedispenza.com

    Best wishes in finding a new path for this enormous challenge………..carry on.

    • LEah says:

      Please look into alternative cancer therapies. AS a cancer survivor myself, I have spent four years researching this. I have met and become friends with many survivors, including many late stage “terminal” that are alive and well today some 20 years plus using alternative therapies. Please don’t ever give up and don’t always take doctors word as gold…they are not gods and they don’t really know anything about nutrition…trust me I know I have many friends that are doctors that come to me for nutrition advice and I am not educated at formally in that world!

      I see some comments here regarding German clinics and the Truth about Cancer, excellent resources. Check out https://www.cancertutor.com

      Blessings
      Leah

  78. Denise says:

    Lynne and Michael and kids, crying and loving you all. So grateful you’ve been and are a part of my life. I will be there to see you all soon. Promise. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  79. Amanda Plakholm says:

    I am sitting in the hallway at the hospital right now crying my eyes out, reading this blog. Cancer really does suck and there is no way to prepare. I recently lost my Dad to cancer and I’m struggling to know how to help my Mom and how to cope myself. I hope you and your family get your miracle. Thank you for sharing such an emotional story, it will help others.

  80. Tania says:

    Blessings to you all.

  81. Marie says:

    My heart goes out to you.. It truly does. I was you three years ago and there are no words. None that truly help or suit. I’ll be keeping you all in my prayers..

  82. Stuart & Sherryl says:

    Lynne, Michael & family

    Our love to you all, amazing, beautiful souls.!

  83. JudyBB says:

    holding you and yours in the most prayerful thoughts possible

  84. Mary Kay Wilburn says:

    My heart is with you. My dear sweet hubby is also battling cancer. He has finished chemo and the doctor says he is in remission. However; there is a but. A but that preceeds it could come back. Different form, same, someplace else. And I feel it in my bones that this battle is not over yet.

    My heart is with you and being scared shitless, I am with you on that one too.

  85. Debra Spaulding says:

    Hi Lynne, I have followed your blog for several years and I look forward to your witty and down-to-earth way with words! I was suddenly a widow two years ago. Holes! yah, I know holes…. holes in your soul, heart, family and future. I am so selfish in my happiness that you will continue your great writing and thoughts on life with the world but I am also unselfishly happy for you. I’m happy you all have chosen to take the road less travelled and love to the fullest everyday! Time is a blessing take it by the nuts and run!!! much love from here to you all.

  86. Suzanne says:

    Lynne, I’ve known you and followed your blog for quite a few years, I’ve watched you grow your brand and although I don’t always leave a comment I am there, lurking if you will. I’ve had to re subscribe a few times but I am with you here and on other social media networks. This news about Michael makes me very sad and I am so sorry but knowing you I am certain that the time that you have together will be full of love and grace and there will be memories that will last forever. I pray for a miracle Lynne, I hate cancer, I hate that it takes our loved ones in such a violent and untimely way. The video is poignant and touching and beautifully done. Stay strong my friend!

  87. Tricia says:

    Thank you for documenting your brave journey! My mom has waldenstroms and recently her diseased transformed to a very aggressive lymphoma…. Another rare occurance. I love your approach to LIFE..thank you for sharing

  88. Lori Blethen says:

    Michael is truly an amazing soul. Watching the video and reading your words on this blog brought me to a river of tears. My tears were not only for you Lynne and your children but were in awe for what an amazing man — human being — Michael is. It has been said that we live to learn. That’s the goal. The objective, the reason we are here in the first place. We are also here to teach. To share. To inspire. I have never before heard such beautiful words spoken by anyone as were spoken by Michael. Gratitude. Love. Hope. Trust. He is blessed. I hold you, Michael, your children and entire family inside of my heart with love and gratitude. He is a shining light that will continue far beyond the duration of his physical body. God be with you.

  89. Kevin Ross says:

    I can only say… you are not alone, Lynne… Not a great comfort when you are faced with this enormous challenge, I know. But it is what I can offer, as a fellow human being on this wild ride. Take good care. Peace be with you.
    Regards,
    Kevin.

  90. Lorraine says:

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I felt I had to write to you about the series called the truth about cancer series just in case it could offer some kind of chance. It offers many alternative treatments for cancer from all over the world. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  91. Mary says:

    Your story has touched a nerve deep down inside, and I pray for you and your beautiful family as you take this journey. Michael is showing us the way with grace and dignity.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you…

  92. SuzyMcQ says:

    In my thoughts and prayers……..

  93. Donna Marchlewski says:

    Your video is beautiful. Thank you. You are deeply loved

  94. Larga Parker says:

    Dear Lynne, Michael and family,
    What a beautiful post! Sitting here crying and praying for you. May the God of this Universe be gracious towards you and comfort & protect you through this all. This post must have been SO difficult to do but thank you for sharing with us your inner feelings in such an honest and inspiring way!

  95. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and although your road has taken a different path now, you are still inspiring us and teaching us. Get mad, get angry, laugh ur asses off and make wonderful memories! Big hugs for u and urs. May u all find some peace and comfort in each other’s arms…..

  96. Donna J Swain-McHughes says:

    Your story is poignant,heartbreaking and inspiring. Thank you for sharing, I know how hard it was. But know that it very well may help someone else out there that you will never know about. My husband won his battle with cancer. I have won my battle so far and am still taking medicine for it. My mom,my best friend, lost her battle. I helped her through her battle while I was fighting my own. I didn’t know how to do it, I just did it. We learned to schedule her chemo at one end of the week and mine at the other end, so I would be recovered enough to take her to hers. I do have one suggestion that has worked for me. Hug your husband long, hard and often. And while you are doing it close your eyes and think about how it feels. Burn it indelibly in your mind. Then later you can close your eyes and feel him hugging you whenever you need it. It works. It has helped me through the last year and a half. I can close my eyes and feel her arms around me whenever I need it. It is probably the only thing that has kept me sane. I am crying just thinking about it. Now I will dry my tears and saw a prayer for you both. And then I will close my eyes and get my hug from my mom. Know that others are sending their love to you both and take solace and strength from that. x0 Donna

    • Donna,

      I literally can’t type through the tears. THANK YOU for your beautiful idea. I hug him hard now, but I am going to do your idea now. I LOVE IT.

      Does this mean I can also kick him in the shins when he leaves his dirty laundry on the floor. Every.Day? ha.

      Okay, I needed something for my eyes. It was getting dusty in here.

      Thank you for your words. Your ideas. Your love. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I’m so very grateful that you left a comment.

      Big love,
      Lynne xo

  97. Julia says:

    So sorry to hear your news….I lost my husband to a rare cancer re-occurrence 2 years ago. I’m 53 and have two children so I know what it’s like to get this diagnosis. I don’t know you, but know you are strong and about to find out how much stronger you are than you ever thought. Why? Because you have no other choice. You are in my prayers…..

    • Ohhhh Julia,

      I am so sorry to hear that. We are the same age 🙁 . It’s crazy hard to grasp the gravity of some things in life, isn’t it? You are right though, the only thing to do, is just do. One day at a time.

      I love your words. I appreciate them. THANK YOU.

      Sending you a massive hug,
      Lynne xx

  98. Therese crepeau says:

    I am sending you my good karma, golden morning light, sudden laughter, the wonderful stabbing pain of my heart when I see your lovely family and please know that I will carry some of your grief and day to day agony in my mind and heart. I Pray Michael kicks the hell out of his fucket list and you put big dents in it too. So sorry for the pain. Your site is lovely even with the horrific news.

    • Thank you Therese,

      We are going to kick the hell outta the fucket list, big time. Now that I wrote it in words, on the blog… for the world to see :)… we gotta do it! Right, right?

      We are heading to Bali next month, and putting a big fat dent in the list then. I laugh and tell Michael that we are technically working on my bucket list and he is coming along for the ride. haha.

      Mad love,
      Lynne xo

  99. Lori says:

    Oh, Lynne, This was a beautiful post! You managed to put perspective on something that touches all of us and make us see things in a different light. I think of you and your family a lot and when I do I send all the strength and positive vibes that I have!!!
    Love you!!!

  100. Carole says:

    Lynne & Michael … there are no words – only heaps of love … and hugs – BIG, BIG HUGS <3

  101. Kathy says:

    Lynnie, Lynne, Lynne,

    I love you with all my heart and wish I could fix this for you. Michael’s message of living in gratitude is THE prescription for the rest of us. Thank you for….well, for just being you, for being the Knowltons, for sharing your heart. I wish I could hug you hard right now — Damn miles! — but loving you hard will have to do for now.

    With gratitude,
    Kathy

    • My dear friend Kathy,

      I can feel you cheering us on in the side lines. I know it. Your support and kindness means so much to us, and we are so very grateful.

      I think about our times here, in the backyard and laughing in the kitchen (ps you wouldn’t recognize the place now) LOL… and those memories are pretty kickass!

      You rock out loud and I’m honoured to call you my friend.

      Love ya girly!
      Lynne xx

  102. Maria says:

    Wow, followed by tears. This is truly one of the greatest hardships a family can go through and yet having that time together can be what keeps you all knitted together in a way you didn’t know possible. I know some of the heartache that you are feeling, My mother survived her cancer, my father did not. It takes you to the pits, it truly does. Not fun, I don’t wish it on anyone, yet too many of us are going through it.
    If only there was a super power to keep your kids from losing their dad and you from losing your love. sigh….
    Michael is lucky to have such a wonderful spirit in the woman he married, The memories and family you both created are his legacy, and that is the cherry to this mess.

    Thank you for sharing, and know that there is a community that loves you. xo

    • So well said Maria. If only there was a super power. Somehow, I’m starting to believe that there are super powers….

      Prayers. Great thoughts. Kindness. Love. Angels.

      Surely, they have some impact. We can all hope

      If one puts out so much positive energy to the world, maybe.. just maybe.. the positive energy//goodness can come back to us.

      I lost my Dad to cancer too, and my Mom is a three time cancer survivor. I am so sorry that you had to go through that too. It’s sooooo sad, isn’t it? Breaks our hearts.

      Big love to you!!
      Lynne xo

  103. Cheri says:

    I just want to say I’m sorry and thank you. I’ve been an oncology nurse for over 30’years and have witnessed amazing stories. The way you and Michael, are facing this challenge together and with grace is how I have always hoped I would respond were it my story. You write so poignantly Lynne, and I look forward to reading whatever you are able to share with us. The video is phenomenal.

    • Dear Cheri,

      I have such mad respect for oncology nurses. Big time, amazing respect.

      THANK YOU for making such a beautiful difference in this world. The oncology nurses in our lives have been so caring, so understanding and so kind.

      Oncology nurses get it. You are all in the trenches. The real deal.

      I can’t thank you enough for the contribution you make to so many peoples lives. I bet many of your patients go home and remember how you cared for them.

      Thank you thank you thank you

      Sincerely & with love,
      Lynne xx

  104. Michele says:

    Lynne:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I wish it wasn’t yours to tell. Please do as you are saying and live large, love and share. Your gift is appreciated. And, Michael I am impressed with your mile long fucket list. Your honesty is refreshing. You are in my prayers.

    • Hi Michele,

      It’s so very kind of you to thank me for sharing my story. I was so worried that my story would muck things up on the blog. It isn’t exactly a conversation that is all shits and giggles. Okay, maybe shits. 🙂

      The fucket list is truly a mile long, and we are going for it. Next month is BALI!!

      I can’t wait to share the beauty of Bali again on my blog too.

      Thanks again for the reminder.

      Big love,
      Lynne xx

  105. Stefanie says:

    My heart goes out to you. My husband passed away from terminal cancer. He lived for one year after the diagnosis and what a year that was. I was in shock after I got the news but he had so much grace and strength the whole time. After he died, it took me a long time to get back.

    Much love to Michael, you and your family.

    • Oh my goodness Stefanie,

      That is so heartbreaking to hear. What a year that must have been for you. Isn’t it incredible how cancer patients have all the grace and strength and caregivers, friends, family… unravel at the seams? I have asked health care workers, oncology nurses, Doctors… and they all say the same thing. It is hard to watch, hard to not have control, hard to not be able to save our loved ones.

      If love could save people, surely they would never die.

      Sending much love to you too,
      Lynne xo

  106. I’m very proud of you “pumpkin”. 🙂 Loving you guys with all my heart. A thousand of these – xoxoxox!

  107. Victoria says:

    I’m so so so sorry. Your post is beautiful. And heartbreaking.
    xoxo

  108. M says:

    I really don’t know how to start, but I’ll start with a big thank you. Thank you for sharing and inspire.
    I found your Instagram last summer and it was such a nice place for me to visit because I’m bedbound/homebound due to a severe neurological illness called ME. To survive I have to ‘visit’ beautiful places in my mind, and your place with the treehouse especially did calm me down.
    And now, it’s so heartbreaking to read about your current situation, I can’t even imagine the struggle. As your dear husband says in the video, we all struggle in different ways, and it’s so important to find joy and make the best out of it.
    I really try, and it’s important for me to remember to find the small things that are good. It’s really hard sometimes with all the physical symptoms; and not to be able to care for myself or even have visits from friends. My condition has been progressive for some years now and I really don’t know where it will end.
    But your videos and your stories help me to cope, and I really wish I could say something to make it better for you. I hope you will have the best of times together as long as possible, Sending a lot of love to you and your loved ones! Long live love! ❤️❤️❤️

    • You literally just brought tears to my eyes. I am so grateful that my blog, photos and videos have made a positive difference in your life. That is what truly means the most to me, in my blogging/social media world… well, and in life too. I’m so very grateful that you told me.

      I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a massive hug.

      Big love and many hugs to you, each and every day.

      Lynne xo

  109. Lynn Jordaan says:

    I am so sorry you have to go through this really shitty experience. All I can say is hold on to your guy as tightly as you can for as long as you can. My heart breaks for you. I understand. I have been on a journey like yours. Much love and many hugs to you and yours.

  110. Helen Marioncu says:

    “We have always been thankful for good days and bad days, as long as we kept having days. That was good enough for us.” I love that. Words to live by. Mind if I borrow them?

    So touched by your honesty. Love and good energy your way.

  111. Susan says:

    I really can’t think of any words to write to you BUT I wanted you to know my thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you and your family as you live through this nightmare.

    • Thank you Susan,

      I know what it feels like to not have words. Been there, done that, got the poster. Some things make us all speechless, don’t they?

      Feeling the crazy love from you anyway.

      Thank you!
      Lynne xx

  112. Zali Nash says:

    Oh Lynne. Dreadful, horrible, sad putrid news. Sorry doesn’t cover it even slightly. I won’t send you words of comfort or light, because I don’t think there are words that will comfort, but I’ll stand beside you “virtually” here in Australia. I’ll hand you ‘virtual’ tissues, ice cream , chocolate and wine.
    Thank you for sharing us a little of that rawness. I feel deeply honoured.

    • Zali, it is so very kind of you to write from wayyyyyyy across the pond. I can feel it !!

      I especially love the part about tissues, ice cream, chocolate and wine. 🙂

      Sending love right back to you across the mountains, rivers, blue skies and oceans!

      THANK YOU xoxo
      Lynne

  113. Natasha Orme says:

    So heartbreaking to hear your story but thank you for sharing. Sending you love.

  114. Liesel says:

    Lynne I am so, so sorry. I remember other posts about some of your family with cancer and when this one came in, I thought “No, this CAN’T BE!!!” I’m so sorry. My heart aches with you, and for you, and for your beautiful family.

    The mind just boggles about something so painful and unreal… You’ll be in my prayers and healing thoughts. Much love xxx

    • Thank you so very much for the beautiful thoughts and prayers Liesel. It’s crazy how cancer surrounds me… I’m starting to think that there must be some reason why.. a positive reason.. that I was destined to make a difference, and help others who are surrounded with it too.

      Trying to find light at the end of the tunnel. xo

      Thanks so much for leaving a comment.

      Lynne xo

  115. Anne Martin says:

    I am sooo sorry for your heartbreaking twist in the road you have shared with the love of your life, your beloved husband.. Your thoughts have inspired me in the past, and I’ve been so involved in the now I kind of forgot about you when I did not have your outreach through your blog. You are in the wilderness right now. The road is to be taken, it lies ahead, but the path has only the unknown and it’s full of shadows and scary darkness at the thought that the end of this path leads to a place where you have to say goodbye to your soulmate. Only those who have been on this path can understand the place you are at at this time. The commonality is loss. While embracing life to the fullest, life is but fleeting and we all face death. I hope you have a faith that can sustain you during this time. Faith is believing in that which we cannot see. Faith helps me to realize that though I have suffered through tragic and unbelievable loss, my time is not yet and there are people here who still need me to help them make sense of something so natural, yet so mysterious and unknowable until we too are placed on that same path. I’m soooo sorry, my heart breaks for you and your family. I will pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding and a gentle continued appreciation for the life yet to be lived to the fullest possible. Go gently and be ever so gentle with yourself and those you love as each finds their way through this.

    • Oh my. I have no words. You are so beautifully eloquent in sharing your thoughts with me. I am literally going to print them and hang them on my inspiration wall. THANK YOU so very much. I’ll have a constant reminder of the love, the appreciation, the gift of each other.

      With a huge hug of the biggest kind of love,
      Lynne xx

  116. Trish says:

    Thank you for sharing…. that takes courage.
    l send love, healing light and blessings galore your way…

  117. Leslie Aquilino says:

    I write this with tears running down my cheeks. Such a beautiful and yet heartbreaking story. I will remember you and all your family in my prayers~~ <3

  118. Sonya says:

    I am sending you all my love. Hold your hand out…there you go, can you feel it?

  119. Kerry says:

    Beautiful, inspiring, heartbreaking all in one. You have such an amazing talent of bringing us in, making us feel what you feel and then somehow leaving us feeling inspired and ready to tackle anything. Thank you Lynne & Michael. I’m honoured to call you my friends.

    • Kerry….

      You, my friend. Wow. You’ve been one incredible friend through thick and thin. Thank you for helping us when we were in a big pickle. It may seem silly to say it out loud, but althought it may SEEM like little things that you do for us, they have added up to reallllyyyyy big things.

      You saved our kitchen renovation LOL!

      You’ve sent the most amazing people into our lives, when we really needed them. Bonus: We gained some kickass friends along the way.

      THANK YOU my friend. Thank you.

      Lynne xxo

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